Scars of My Own
by Eliza.Cava.Shep
Summary: Very AU story about if Meredith and Derek had gotten back together immediately after the events of the prom. Follows MerDer through a baby, a candlelight proposal, three months apart, and the aftermath of a reunion of two people whose love knows no bounds. Some chapters contain explicit content and/or mature themes.
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: This Chapter gets pretty explicit so skip ahead to the end if you don't want to read it.**

XxXxX

He was looking at her. _Looking_. At her. She couldn't breathe. She didn't feel anything. Her body was numb. His eyes stared into hers. She explored his pupils as they both swayed in someone else's arms. _He_ was looking at _her_.

Her eyes landed on the red hair of his wife, the woman he chose over her, dancing in his arms. She pulled away from Finn, discreetly trying to catch her breath.

"Are you alright?" He asked. She nodded, afraid to speak in case she sounded breathless.

"Yeah, I'm just... uh... hot." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth. "And uh... claustrophobic." She added. Derek saw her talking to him and stepped back from Addison, making up an excuse to check on a patient.

"I'm just gonna run and go splash some cold water on my face," Meredith said, gesturing nonchalantly toward the exit. Finn nodded. "I'll be right back." Both Derek and Meredith said at the same time.

"Meredith!" He called after her as she walked briskly down the hospital hallway. She pulled up her dress and broke into a run in her heels, shaking her head.

"Leave me alone!" He voice shook as she ducked into an exam room, hearing his footsteps behind her. She couldn't stand him looking at her for one more second. It made her miss him too much. It hurt her too much.

"Meredith!" He called again, but she ignored him, walking around to the other side of the exam table so that she was as far away from him as possible.

"Just leave me alone!" She snapped as he slipped into the room behind her.

"I just want to make sure you're alright." He said, slightly breathless as he stepped further into the room.

"No! I'm not alright! Okay? Are you satisfied?! I'm not alright because you have a wife and you call me a whore and our dog died and now you're looking at me. Stop looking at me." She shouted, feeling the same butterflies-in-the-stomach sensation that she always felt when her eyes met his.

"I'm not looking at you." He said as if he were in a daze. He contradicted himself by keeping his gaze trained on her, stepping closer to her. She retreated back in response. "I am not looking at you!" He said when she kept her eyes narrowed at him.

"You are looking at me!" She cried, remembering the way his eyes seemed to bore into her while they were dancing. The way he looked at her that sent shivers running up and down her body. "And Finn has plans! And I like Finn, he's perfect for me, and I'm really trying here to be happy and I can't breathe! I can't breathe with you looking at me like that so just stop!" She yelled, tears flooding to her eyes. She couldn't hold back the aching in her chest when she was standing so close to him, but she couldn't feel her body against his, couldn't feel his arms around her.

"Do you think I want to look at you?" He asked softly, his own eyes sparkling with tears. "That I wouldn't rather be looking at my wife? I'm married! I have responsibilities!" She turned away from him so that he wouldn't see the pain in her eyes.

"She... She doesn't drive me crazy, she doesn't make it impossible for me to feel normal, she doesn't make me sick to my stomach thinking about my veterinarian touching her with his hands!" He cried, feeling a sinking feeling in his stomach as he imagined Meredith with Finn. He hated the image in his mind of any other man touching, seeing, tasting what he had. She was his. He knew it. He felt it, every time she walked in the room, she was his. And he had let her go.

"Man, I would give anything not to be looking at you." He said, hearing how it came out differently than he wanted it to and cringing to himself. He would give anything to do more than just look at her. He would give anything to touch her again, to feel the warmth of her body and smell the lavender scent of her conditioner and taste her skin again.

They were both silent for a tense second. Slowly, she turned around, locking eyes with him again. She didn't hate the butterflies that jumped to her stomach. She didn't feel guilty about the chills that erupted across her skin. She was lost in him.

He sprang forward suddenly, capturing her lips with his and holding her head with both of his hands. She was frozen for a moment in surprise and relief. She missed his lips on hers more than words could describe.

Her arms tangled around his neck and she turned her head, allowing him to place kisses all over her cheek and temple. He relished in the taste of her soft skin, wanting to leave no spot on her body untouched.

Their lips met again and he pushed her up onto the table, his hand dropping to her lower back. Her fingers tangled in his hair and he used his other hand to cradle her face, pushing himself against her and feeling as though they could never be close enough.

His hand pushed her hair away from her face and his lips wandered to her neck, exploring the vulnerable skin. His hands skillfully slipped under her dress, pulling her lace underwear down her legs slowly, almost tauntingly.

She wrapped her legs around him, pulling him closer to her and sliding the coat off his shoulders. His hands found the back of her dress, unzipping it and sliding it down her body slowly. His skin brushed against hers and she let out a shaky breath, squirming slightly with anticipation.

He placed his face in the middle of her chest, his hands running up and down her sides and her fingernails digging into his scalp. She threw her head back to expose her entire neck to him, closing her eyes and holding herself steady with her hands on his back.

She unbuttoned his shirt slowly, her face nestled on his shoulder as he sucked on her neck. The shirt and tie were thrown to the floor as she pushed her body against his, feeling their skin collide and letting out a soft groan. He ran his hands all over her body, realizing how much he missed the feeling of her soft skin against him.

"God, I missed you..." He choked, letting her slide his pants down his legs and unhooking her bra so that there was nothing separating them from each other. He pushed her gently down onto the exam table, climbing onto it so that he was on top of her, staring into her green eyes, dancing with hunger.

"I missed you more..." She said softly, placing her hands on his back to brace herself. He crashed his lips onto hers again, pulling away briefly and panting quietly.

"Meredith?" He said seriously, his hand resting in her hair.

"Mmh... Derek..." She grunted, her body tensing up and her eyes scrunching shut.

"I love you." He panted, staring down at her eyes as they shot open in surprise.

"Derek, I..." She stammered, trying to find words to describe to him how she felt. His face fell.

"Sorry. This... this is a bad idea..." He trailed off when both of her hands grabbed his face and pulled him down onto her, smashing their lips together. They both pulled away gasping for air.

"I love you too, Derek." She panted, meeting his gaze and seeing relief fill his eyes. They both smiled at each other, completely forgetting everything going on outside of the room or the hospital. Nothing stood between them when they made love. No fears or regrets or broken promises. Just the blinding love between two people and their desire for each other.

He was helping her zip up her dress in silence. It wasn't tense silence or awkward silence. It was contempt. Nothing needed to be said. Words would just break the silence.

"We didn't use a condom..." Meredith blurted suddenly, turning around to face him. He shrugged.

"I don't have any STD's. Neither does Addison. What about Finn?" He asked and her eyes went wide and her face flushed with embarrassment.

"I... um... we uh... haven't... Oh, God! Finn! I have to... I have to tell him, I mean... what does this mean? What does this mean, Derek?" She asked, meeting his eyes. He smiled at her and placed a hand in her hair.

"It means I'm finally getting a divorce." He smirked. She raised her eyebrows at him.

"What?!" She cried. He shook his head.

"I love you. I've always loved you. I'm not going to waste any more time not being with you. Addison deserves a chance to move on, be free. We were just wasting time anyway. Don't you get it, Meredith? Time is everything. We don't know how much time we have, so we have to spend as much of it as we can with people that we truly love. And for me... that's you. I'm tired of being away from you. I don't want to be away from you ever again. I may not have been there before, but I'm here now. I'm here for you. Finn's not the one for you, Meredith, and Addison's not the one for me. It's you. It's always been you." He said. She stared up at him in awe.

"I guess we both have bad news for our dates then." She gathered. He smiled at her, the skin around his eyes crinkling as he placed a soft kiss on her lips.

"I guess so."

XxXxX

 **This story will be a long one. I'm going to hopefully post one chapter a week but the first few chapters will be out within the next few days depending on how this story is received. Please leave a review to let me know what you think.**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	2. Chapter 2

Meredith walked slowly up to Finn, who was standing alone by the snack table looking at her worriedly.

"Meredith! Where have you been? I was worried, I thought you passed out or something. Are you okay?" He said, placing his hands on her arms. She sighed and shook him off.

"Finn..." She started. His face fell.

"No... don't... don't do that. We were fine. We are fine. Don't... if you did something, just don't tell me. I'll forgive you, you're forgiven! What I don't know can't hurt me. Ignorance is bliss." He rambled, trying to do anything at all to stop her from doing what he knew she was doing.

"Finn... I like you. I really do. But... I love Derek. I can't do this anymore, I'm sorry." She said. His eyes filled with anger suddenly.

"You're leaving me... for HIM?" He shouted, drawing the attention of the couples dancing near them. She sucked in a breath when he threw his arms into the air in dismay.

"He's married! He picked his wife over you! What makes you think he would take you if you went crawling back to him?!" He yelled, making her cringe as more and more people turned to stare. Derek looked up from the corner of the room, where he was standing with a very upset Addison after having told her that he was leaving her. He saw Finn yelling and slowly approached the two, hearing what they were saying as he got closer.

"I-I'm sorry, Finn! I didn't mean to hurt you, but we love each other. I can't ignore that any longer." Finn's eyes were burning with fury as Derek reached the front of the crowd.

"Damn it, Meredith!" Finn screamed, his hand reaching back and striking her hard across the face. The crowd gasped and Derek pushed forward as she fell backward onto the ground, her head slamming into the tile and sending her into unconsciousness instantly. Derek reached her and dove to the ground, lifting her head to check for injuries as people swarmed around them, with Alex having to grab Finn and hold him back before he could hurt someone else.

He broke free from Alex's grip just as Meredith came to, rushing toward her with white-hot rage in his eyes. Derek jumped up, stepping in front of Meredith just as Finn reached her. He cocked his fist, leaning back and bending his knees. Before Finn could react, Derek sprang forward, his fist making solid contact with Finn's cheekbone and sending a satisfying crack through the silent room. His opponent stumbled backward, blood seeping down his face. He had definitely hit Finn harder than he hit Mark when he flirted with Meredith.

Alex and Richard both moved in on the veterinarian, with Alex telling him that he had to leave quickly before he put a dent in his skull and Richard threatening to press charges if he didn't get out. Pain erupted across Derek's hand from his knuckles but he ignored it, turning and dropping down so that he was by Meredith's side on the floor.

"Derek... your hand..." She said. He followed her worried gaze to his bloody hand and shook it out, shrugging and squeezing it a couple of times.

"It still works. Are you alright, Meredith? What happened?" He said, changing the subject. The crowd slowly dispersed and people got prepared to go home. No one wanted to dance after witnessing such a scene.

"I told him... about us... and he got really mad. I tried to calm him down, but... I was scared." She said, her eyes glistening with tears. He wrapped his arms around her and let her cry into his chest. Over her shoulder, he locked eyes with Addison, who had tears coating her face but slight concern in her eyes. She looked away from him and left the room, leaving him alone with Meredith on the ground.

"It's okay. You're okay now, you're safe." He said comfortingly, stroking her hair gently. She sniffled and relaxed, wiping the tears from her face. Callie approached them, a worried look on her face.

"Uh... Meredith, the nurse told me to come get you. It's Izzie." She said. Meredith looked up at Derek for support. He helped her up and they walked hand in hand to Denny Duquette's room, where a hysterical Izzie was laying with her arms wrapped around a dead-looking Denny. Meredith sighed sympathetically. George and Cristina turned to look at her, their eyes landing on her hand squeezing Derek's severely bruised one tightly and asking her millions of silent questions.

Alex appeared in the doorway.

"Izzie, that's not Denny. It stopped being Denny as soon as his heart stopped beating." He said, walking over to her. Meredith placed her hand on Derek's chest and hid her face in his suit. She couldn't bear to see her best friend this upset. She couldn't bear to hear her sobbing anymore.

Meredith, Callie, George, Cristina, and Derek left the room to give Izzie and Alex privacy. They sat down in the hallway.

"So... you're back with McDreamy again?" Cristina asked to break the silence, looking at Meredith. Everyone turned to her as she smiled at Derek.

"Yeah. We were just tired of wasting time denying our feelings." She said. Cristina's eyes traveled from the deep bruises on Derek's hand to the swelling and redness of Meredith's face concernedly.

"Meredith..." She said softly. Her friend noticed what she was looking at and shook her head with wide eyes.

"Oh my god, no! Derek didn't do this to me, I promise you. Finn did. He got really mad when I broke things off and Derek was just protecting me." She explained, her arms wrapped around his muscly one. Cristina, George, and Callie all raised their eyebrows.

"Finn hurt you?" Cristina narrowed her eyes. Meredith nodded. Her best friend turned to Derek.

"How hard did you hit him?"

XxXxX

 **I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I know I didn't really focus much on Denny and it's not because I don't like him because I do but I just wanted to focus more on Meredith and Derek instead of Alex and Izzie and Denny.**

 **Finn is not the same person in this story as he is in the show. (which is evident from his behavior in this chapter) He's a lot more controlling and violent and less of a nice guy.**

 **The next chapter will be up tomorrow! Don't forget to review!**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	3. Chapter 3

Meredith got sick a few weeks later. It started out as a bunch of scattered symptoms. Nausea, vomiting, dizziness, moodiness, exhaustion. She stayed home a few days thinking it was the flu, but nothing she took relieved her symptoms. Then it dawned on her.

"Cristina, can you go to the store for me on your way home today?" Meredith asked over the phone. Cristina sighed.

"Why can't Derek do it?" She whined.

"Because I need you to buy something... sensitive. It's just a hunch, but you know how Derek is. I don't want him getting his hopes up only for me to be wrong." She said. Cristina was silent for a second.

"You think you're pregnant?" She asked. Meredith sighed.

"I don't know. Maybe. It would make sense. We didn't use... protection that night at the prom and I had stopped taking the pill because Finn and I weren't going anywhere fast..." she trailed off.

"Okay, Yeah. I'll get a few so you're sure. See you in a few hours." Cristina said, hanging up the phone. Meredith sighed, leaning back in her bed. She couldn't do anything but lay there and read and watch TV. If she tried to get up to do something, she would get dizzy and nauseous and end up throwing up.

Cristina showed up a few hours later with a grocery bag filled with little boxes.

"I told you I'd get a lot." She said, placing the bag at the foot of the bed. Meredith chuckled.

"How much pee do you think I have?" She asked. Cristina pulled out a large water bottle from under her arm.

"Drink up." She said, handing the bottle to Meredith. She sighed, getting up slowly and taking the bag and the bottle into the bathroom. She paused for a second and breathed deeply to stop herself from throwing up.

She took every one of the tests and placed them back in the bag where she couldn't see them. She wanted it to at least be a little bit of a surprise. After she was finished, she walked back out into her bedroom, where Cristina was sitting on her bed watching the TV.

"It took you long enough. So, are you knocked up or not?" She asked. Meredith set the bag down and fished a test out.

"Positive." She said, half surprised. She pulled out the next test.

"Positive." She read again, locking eyes with Cristina.

"Could've two false positives. Turn the bag over, let's check them all." Cristina said. Meredith emptied the bag onto the bed and they made a pile of positives and a pile of negatives. There were 8 positives and 2 negatives.

"Looks like I'm pregnant. Or pregnancy tests suck." She said. Cristina smiled at her.

"When are you going to tell Derek?" She asked. Meredith shrugged.

"Tonight, I guess. I'll get Izzie to make dinner or something." She said. Cristina scoffed.

"For a second I forgot you were gone most of thanksgiving. Izzie can't cook. I'll have Burke come over and make something." She said. Meredith sighed and smiled.

"I'm pregnant..." She smiled. Cristina stood up and took the bag and empty water bottle with her.

"McBaby." She whispered loudly, making Meredith laugh as she left the room to go get Burke. Meredith pulled out her phone and called Derek.

"Hey, Meredith. Are you feeling any better?" He asked.

"No, not really. What time are you getting home?" She asked. He sighed.

"I have one more surgery, but it'll be quick. I should be home in a few hours." He said. "Why?"

"Oh, uh, Cristina and Burke are coming over and he's cooking, so I thought you might want to come. And I have something I want to talk to you about... in person." She said.

"Okay. I'll be home soon. I love you." He said.

"I love you too, Derek." She hung up.

XxXxX

She locked eyes with him across the table. He looked up from his pasta and salad and met her gaze, feeling the tension like she had something to say but confused as to why she wasn't saying it.

"You said there was something you wanted to talk to me about?" He broke the silence and everyone at the table looked up at them. Cristina smiled smugly and George, Izzie, and Burke looked at her confusedly.

"Oh, um... yeah. I think I figured out why I'm feeling sick." She said. He raised his eyebrows at her.

"Really? What is it?" He asked. She couldn't conceal her smile anymore as Izzie's mouth fell open and her eyes glazed with realization.

"I'm uh... I'm pregnant." Meredith smiled. Burke smiled with amused surprise. George was frozen, staring at Meredith in shock. Izzie giggled and Cristina and Meredith watched Derek for a reaction.

He was frozen. Hit with a wave of shock like a tsunami. All he could do was stare at the woman he loved as she smiled at him, watching him for a reaction. The words she had spoken repeated in his head over and over again. Finally, he found the capacity to speak.

"Oh, my god." He was flushed with ecstasy as his dropped jaw transformed into a smile. "Oh, my god!" He cried, jumping up from his seat and running around the table to her. He swept her up into his arms and held her tightly, tears springing to his eyes. She smiled wildly.

"I love you, I love you, I love you!" He smiled, kissing her over and over again. He set her down on the ground and squatted so that he was level with her stomach, lifting her shirt to reveal her belly button and kissing the soft skin above it. "And I love you." He said softly. Meredith smiled at him as he hugged her again, their eyes shining with tears and full of happiness.

"Congratulations, you two." Izzie beamed. Meredith nodded at her as they both took their seats again, unable to stop smiling. Cristina and Burke congratulated them as well. George stood up from the table and left silently. Everyone stared at each other for a tense second. Cristina finally broke the silence.

"Does this mean you're getting married? Because I need to know if I'm going to have to go to some big white dress wedding and deal with _you_ as a bride." Cristina asked. Meredith chuckled awkwardly and looked at Derek for an answer.

"Uh... I don't know. We haven't really thought about anything like this yet. Trust me, if we get married, you'll be the first to know." He said. Cristina nodded and Meredith let out the breath she was holding.

She kicked him softly under the table and raised her eyebrows briefly, leaning forward to whisper in his ear.

"Find an excuse. Let's go to bed." She whispered. He raised his eyebrows at her and she smirked at him. Derek stood up suddenly.

"Well, I have a long day tomorrow, so I think I should just go to bed early. Thank you for the dinner, Preston." He announced, leaving the room. Meredith stood up and followed him.

"Try not to be too loud, some of us have to sleep!" Izzie called after them and Meredith giggled as they turned the corner and slammed the bedroom door.

XxXxX

 **Yay, McBaby! This was probably really predicatable but I promise this story is anything but predictable. Next chapter will be up tomorrow!**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	4. Chapter 4

"Cristina! Dr. Yang! Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" Derek said, pulling the dark-haired surgeon into a nearby linen closet. It had been a month since Meredith had broken the news about her pregnancy and it had been one of the best months of his life.

"Uh... what is this about?" Cristina asked after making sure that the closet was empty.

"It's about Meredith." He said seriously. Her eyes went wide and she shook her head vigorously.

"NO! You cannot leave her! She is pregnant with your McBaby and she gave up everything for you!" Cristina almost shouted. He shook his head.

"No, no, I'm not leaving her. The exact opposite, actually." He couldn't conceal his smile as he pulled the tiny velvet box from his pocket and handed it to her. Her jaw dropped and she stared at it in shock.

"You're proposing?! Already?!" She cried, looking frantically from the small box to him with wide eyes.

"Cristina, you of all people know how complicated our relationship is." He defended.

"Which is exactly why I think you may be rushing this a little!" She said.

"We may not have been together for very long, but we've always loved each other. It's been almost a year, Cristina, and we're having a baby. This may seem ridiculous, but I want to be tied to her forever. I want to make vows to her and promise to love her no matter what. And I want this baby to have parents who can't just break up over something stupid. Marriage is stable. It's solid. It's a promise. That's what I want for this child, and for us. Just... look at the ring." He said, pushing the box in her hand closer to her chest. Cristina sighed and opened up the box.

Her eyes went wide as they landed on the ring. It was beautiful. Simple, just a band with a single large diamond at the top. But it was perfect. Cristina gasped and held her hand up to her mouth. She had forgotten every reason why she was opposed to this. She was only happy for her friend. Meredith was finally getting a chance to be happy.

"It was my grandmother's. I had my mom send it to me a few days ago. It's small, but... she has small fingers, so I guess it's perfect." They both laughed. Cristina closed the box and hugged him, the smile on her face stretching from ear to ear.

"It's perfect, Derek. She'll love it." She said, handing him the box back.

"Thank you, Cristina." He said as she left, trying to keep the smile off of her face.

XxXxX

The next day, he walked into work and saw Meredith standing at the nurse's station looking over a chart. He approached her, summoning his best flirtatious smirk.

"Dr. Grey, a word." He said softly, grabbing her arm gently and giving her just enough time to put down her chart before pulling her giggling into the nearest on-call room and locking the door behind him.

"I didn't see you this morning." He said, approaching her slowly. She smiled up at him.

"I had rounds and didn't want to wake you. You're cute when you sleep." She said, wrapping her hands around his hips as he kissed her quickly.

"Do you have somewhere you have to be anytime soon?" He asked softly, pecking at her neck.

"Not for another hour..." She replied, stepping backward and pulling them both down onto the bed behind them.

"Plenty of time..."

XxXxX

An hour later, Derek dropped down on the bed beside Meredith, both of them panting softly. He turned and smiled at her.

"I want to see you tonight." He said breathlessly. She smirked at him.

"Okay, so meet me back here at.. what, 6:00?" She said. He shook his head.

"I want to take you on a date. Like a real date." He said. She raised her eyebrows.

"Should I dress up for this date?" She asked. He smiled, scooting closer to her and kissing her softly.

"You'll be beautiful no matter what you wear. I'll meet you in the lobby at 7:00." He replied quietly, rolling off the bed and putting his clothes back on. He checked his watch and turned to leave the room, stealing one last glance back at her.

"I love you." He said softly, almost so softly that she couldn't hear him. He left before she could respond. He knew her response anyway.

"I love you too."

XxXxX

That night, Derek stepped into the lobby wearing his best suit. He looked around for Meredith and saw her walking out of the locker room in a beautiful blue floor-length dress. Her hair was braided at the top and flowed down to her shoulders and she had a small purse clasped in her hands. Cristina walked behind her and smiled at Derek's surprise. She had known exactly what this date was about and done everything in her power to make sure her best friend was ready.

"Wow..." Derek said as he approached, his eyes full of wonder. "You look... stunning." He shook his head, placing his hands on her arms and looking at her for a few moments, taking in her beauty. The top of the dress was covered in jewels and sparkles and the bottom flowed in waves down her legs like the ocean. Her makeup was done to perfection and her hair tumbled down and framed her face. She smiled up at him, her pupils dancing in the light.

"Where are you taking me? Cristina told me I would want to dress up but I still don't know where we're going." She said, slight annoyance in her voice. He smirked at her.

"Just trust me. I've been planning this for a very long time." He said cryptically. She turned and looked at Cristina, smiling nervously at her as Derek pulled her toward the elevator. Cristina sighed and shook her head, turning to back to the locker room to go change out of her scrubs.

Richard stood silently at the end of the hall, watching as the girl he had practically raised stood with her arm linked in one of his best friend's. Derek had asked him to make sure that everything went to plan, and it had so far. He watched nervously and prayed that the correct elevator opened when they pressed the button.

Meredith's mouth fell open as the doors to the elevator slid open. Derek watched her, unable to control the smile on his face as her eyes lit up and the light emanating from the elevator reflected off of them. She let out a soft gasp and looked up at him, her face covered in amazement. Richard nodded, satisfied. His job was done.

"You did this?" She asked, turning back to the waiting elevator. Inside the small room, a table and two chairs had been set up, with a candle and a fresh meal waiting for them on the tabletop. On the walls were scans of brains from patients with all sorts of afflictions.

They both stepped into the elevator, with Meredith staring around in awe and Derek smiling at her proudly. The doors closed behind them, but the elevator didn't move. Derek had had Richard talk to the technician about stopping the Elevator after they entered it. That way, no one could interrupt them.

"What are these?" She asked, stepping over to the wall with the first set of scans on it.

"This is Katie Bryce, a girl with a one in a million aneurysm that burst-" She interrupted him.

"After she fell during rhythmic gymnastics, I remember." She said.

"That was the first surgery we ever did together." He said. She smiled at him as he pointed to the next set of scans.

"This is a cerebral cyst. Tough save, but we did it. I kissed you in the stairwell after the surgery. And this right here was when Dr. Bailey kicked you out of the surgery because she caught us, in your driveway, in my car." He smirked at her and she chuckled.

"And right here, this was a seven-hour craniotomy. You held the clamp the entire time, never flinched. That's when I knew you were going to be an incredible surgeon. And here, this is a patient suffering from hydrocephalus, I let you place the ventriculoperitoneal shunt. Everyone thought you couldn't do it, and you did. Your fingers never shook. You looked up at me afterward and that was when I knew I loved you." He said proudly. Tears glistened in her eyes as they looked at the last set of scans.

"And this was today. The patient came in with blood compressing his brain, and you drilled the burr holes that saved his life. His wife and three kids got to see him again because of you." He said. She stared up at him in amazement.

"Derek... what is this? Why are you showing me this?" She asked. He smiled at her.

"I told you to trust me. Just let it happen, Meredith. Now, let's eat dinner, and then I have something else for you." He smirked.

"There's more?" She cried, her face full of excited surprise. He nodded as he pulled out her chair for her.

"Of course there's more."

XxXxX

 **I just want to say to all of the people who feel lonely on Valentines Day like me, you are loved. If not by the boy or the girl that you like then by your friends and your family. If someone doesn't like you or is rude to you, they don't deserve to have a place in your life. You are beautiful and you deserve every kind thing this world has to offer. Don't let one person stop you from loving yourself, because that's truly all that matters. That you love yourself.**

 **Kisses, and Happy Valentine's Day!**

 **-E**


	5. Chapter 5

He took her to his property next. He made sure she kept her eyes closed until they were out of the car and standing in front of his trailer, which was covered in lights shining brighter than the moon. Finally, he instructed her to open her eyes. She giggled and her eyes fluttered open, a soft gasp escaping her lips as her mouth fell open.

"Oh, my god!" She cried, her hands covering her mouth as she turned to look at him. The light shining from the trailer reflected off of her eyes and illuminated her face, making her entire body seem to glow.

The trailer had been surrounded by bright lights, with roses scattered across the porch and attached to the lights. Through the windows, Meredith could see that the entire inside of the trailer had been decorated and covered in roses as well. A line of candles led into the trees, disappearing out of her sight.

"Come with me," Derek said, taking her hand and leading her toward the candle trail. She stared back at the trailer and then looked ahead at the candles, a smile taking over her face. She lifted her dress to keep it from brushing the ground and followed him, struggling to keep up with her heels on the uneven soil.

"You could have told me we were coming to the great outdoors, and I wouldn't have worn heels!" She giggled as they weaved through the trees, the warm light from the candles casting soft shadows across the entire forest. Finally, they emerged and Meredith saw the candles leading to the edge of a hill, creating a large circle at the end. Derek led her so that they were both standing in the circle and placed his hands on her hips so that she was facing the edge of the cliff.

From the top of the hill, she could see the entire city. Buildings reached up into the sky as if they could touch the stars. Beyond the city, ferryboats glided peacefully across the water, their light reflecting off of the sound, sending waves of brightness over the entire city like a second sunset. The city was peaceful, with only a few cars lingering on the roads and no police cars or ambulances speeding through the streets. Derek wrapped his arms around her from the back, his head resting on her shoulder as he inhaled her scent slowly.

"It's beautiful." She said, tears flooding to her eyes. He turned so that he was standing in front of her, holding both of her hands in his.

"Meredith... I love you. More than words could ever describe. When I'm with you, it's like everything is brighter. You're everything to me. I can't imagine ever spending another minute of my life not being with you. You... you. You complete me. You're my better half. You inspire me. You give me the strength to do everything that I do. I feel like I can do anything when I'm with you. You give me life." He cried, staring down into her eyes, which had overflowed with tears.

"Oh, my god... Derek..." She said softly, a shocked smile on her face. He let go of her hands and she held them over her mouth as he took a velvet box out of his pocket and knelt down on one knee in front of her. He smiled up at her as she laughed shakily.

"Meredith Grey... I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you make me the happiest neurosurgeon on this planet... and be my wife?" He asked, tears flooding to his own eyes as he flipped open the box. Meredith smiled at him, tears coating her face.

"Yes! Yes, Derek, yes!" She practically screamed, grabbing his face as he stood up and pulling him against her. He placed his hand on her cheek and kissed her, filled with pure ecstasy. They pulled away moments later and he slipped the ring onto her finger, smiling as it fit perfectly. Her hands dropped around his neck and he smiled down at her.

"There's one more thing." He said. She raised her eyebrows.

"Does it have to do with you, me, and the bed in your trailer?" She smirked, looking back at the trail of candles leading through the woods.

"Possibly..." He said tauntingly, taking her hand in his again. This time, she led him through the trees, both of them giggling madly as they dashed around the candles like teenagers. They emerged from the forest and sprang up the steps of the trailer, their bodies already intertwined. He reached behind him and threw open the door, allowing them both to stumble into the cramped trailer and slam the door behind them. They both kicked their shoes off and Meredith wasted no time in ripping the jacket of his suit off and pulling the tie over his head, discarding both of them to the floor and he pulled them both down onto the bed.

He unzipped her dress and pulled it down her body, exposing the small bump in her abdomen where their child was growing. She unbuttoned his shirt, slipping it quickly off of his shoulders and throwing it on the ground. Her fingers gripped the waistband of his pants and pulled them down his legs so that they were both in their underwear. He captured her lips in a passionate kiss as she lay on top of him, feeling his skin against hers and running his hands all over her body.

They did not leave the trailer until very late the next morning.

XxXxX


	6. Chapter 6

Meredith swayed on her feet in the OR. Her eyes struggled to stay open and she reached out to steady herself, resting her weight on the wall behind her. She felt extremely dizzy all of the sudden and nausea flooded all around her.

"Late night, Dr. Grey?" Addison asked bitterly from behind the table. Pain shot through Meredith's abdomen and she began to pant softly, holding back tears in her eyes. Her hand rested protectively on the small bump in her abdomen as her knees wobbled under her.

"Seriously, Grey, are you okay?" Addison asked. Meredith could barely shake her head as she clutched her stomach and stumbled toward the door.

"I... need to go... I feel... sick..." She slurred, falling into the door and collapsing just beyond the threshold. Her head pounded and her vision fogged. There were people all around her. Addison was there. And then there was nothing.

XxXxX

She saw only darkness as she floated in abyss. Distant sounds rang out around her. Indistinct shouts and voices. Silence for a while. Then, the clearest, sweetest sound she could hear. Derek's voice. Loud in her mind, bringing light to the crowding darkness.

She couldn't understand what he was saying. She could hear him and his voice was clear but the words didn't register to her. She tried to reach out to him but the darkness was too thick. It felt as if her entire body had weights chained to it.

His voice got louder and more desperate. She felt as if he were reaching out to her through the darkness. With all of her strength, she lifted her hand to take his. He pulled her closer to him, closer and closer. She could almost make out what he was saying. She felt like she was swimming to the surface of a deep ocean, feeling the tension like she was just about to break the surface.

And then she was there. The darkness wasn't so thick and unbreakable. She heard his voice as clear as day. She felt his hand on top of hers. She coughed and opened her eyes slowly. Derek was staring at her. His eyes shone with unshed tears. She managed a weak smile.

"Hey." She practically whispered, her throat sore and dry. Derek smiled at her, placing his hand on her cheek.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" He asked. She swallowed painfully and leaned her face into his hand, finding comfort in his soft touch.

"Fine. How's our baby?" She asked. He smiled.

"Fine." She let out a soft sigh of relief.

"Why... why did I faint?" She asked him quietly. He shook his head at her.

"Addison says it was just exhaustion. You shouldn't have been standing that long without eating or drinking. You've got to worry about two people now instead of one." He scolded, placing his other hand on her bulging stomach. She lifted her hand and placed it on top of his.

"I'll be more careful." She promised simply. He smiled at her.

"You should go home for the day. Rest. Your body needs it." He said. She sighed. She knew he was right, but she couldn't help but feel disappointed that she could miss an amazing surgery.

"You're probably right." She admitted. He smirked at her.

"I'll go get dressed and we can leave." He said. She shook her head.

"No, you should stay. Save a life. Do a cool surgery and tell me all about it when you get home. It's okay. You go. I'll be fine." She said.

"Meredith, this is what we do. Boyfriends. Fiancés. Husbands. We take care of our girlfriends and our wives. I want to take care of you." He argued.

"I'm fine, Derek. I'll see you in a few hours." She insisted. He sighed.

"Okay, Fine. Just... be safe, okay?" He finally agreed, his hand pushing her bangs out of her face and tucking them behind her ear.

"I will. I love you, Derek." She said. He smiled at her and his eyes twinkled, sending shivers down her spine.

"I love you too, Meredith." He kissed her softly and stood up, his hand lingering on hers for a few moments longer. He didn't know why, but he felt reluctant to leave her. Maybe it was that she could have been hurt and he wasn't there. Maybe it was that she wasn't used to him taking care of her. Either way, he had to force himself to leave the room and tell himself that she was right, that she would be okay. He wouldn't have survived if he hadn't.

XxXxX


	7. Chapter 7

**Heads up-this Chapter is where the story kicks off. Prepare yourselves.**

XxXxX

Izzie pushed Meredith in a wheelchair toward the exit of the hospital. The pregnant surgeon scoffed and stood up, walking toward the door herself.

"I don't need a wheelchair. I'm fine. Thank you, Izzie, but I can walk to my car from here." She said, hugging Izzie briefly.

"Be safe, okay? Take it easy." Izzie nagged. Meredith smiled at her.

"I will. Bye." She said, waving and turning back to the doors of the hospital.

Izzie has just pulled the wheelchair around the corner when she heard voices. She turned around and looked to see who it was. George was at the hospital. He had disappeared as soon as he found out Meredith and Derek were engaged. Now he was back. And he looked really drunk.

"Look at that! It's the future bride!" He shouted drunkenly. Meredith furrowed her eyebrows at him.

"George, are you drunk?" She asked. He laughed, a lot harder than was necessary.

"Yes, I am. Do you want to know why? You. You never gave me a chance. The only person who never realized I'm in love with you was you! You made me think I had a chance and then you cried. You cried in the middle of what I thought was the happiest moment of my life! Then you go and you get with the veterinarian, of all people, and then BAM! McDreamy's magical lovechild pops into your uterus and I have no chance at all! You never gave me a chance! And now here I am, drunkenly screaming at you in the middle of a hospital! You did this to me. _You_ did this to _me_." He yelled, his arms flailing with every word. Meredith's eyes shone with tears.

"George, I-"

"Shut up, Meredith! Do you ever shut up and let other people talk?! It's always about you and your stupid problems! We all have problems! Would you just shut up for once so someone else can have a chance?!" He screamed. Meredith shrunk away from him, stepping backward and flinching every time he flung his arms up into the air.

"You and Derek deserve each other. I'm done. I'm so done. Screw you, Meredith. Have a nice life with McDreamy. And by the way, he will hurt you again. And all of us won't be here when he does. I hate you." George spat, storming away from Meredith and leaving her standing, shocked, with tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

Izzie watched as her friend walked slowly through the doors of the hospital. Meredith walked out to her car and drove away. Izzie turned to follow George but her pager went off and she had to leave. She told herself not to worry about Meredith. She would be okay.

XxXxX

Derek used his key to unlock the door to the house, a hot container of soup in his hand.

"Meredith! How are you feeling, honey? I brought you your favorite soup like a promised!" He called up the stairs. When there was no answer, he climbed up to her bedroom and opened the door. The lights were off in the bedroom but a sliver a brightness shined in from the bathroom. _She must be in there._ He set down the soup on the dresser and opened the door to the bathroom.

Derek's eyes went wide and he froze in shock. The floor of the bathroom was soaked in blood. A huge puddle had formed around the toilet, which was filled with vomit. A pile of bloody clothes sat on the ground.

Derek searched the bathroom for Meredith. He looked in the closet and he even checked the shower. He couldn't find her. He walked back into the bedroom and flipped on the lights. A loud gasp jumped up his throat. A thick trail of blood led from the bed to the bathroom. A huge red stain was on the sheets. And Meredith was gone.

A note on the bed caught his eye. He was filled with hope that it would give him an idea of where she was. He didn't want to think of the other possibility. He ran over to the note and plucked it off of the sheets, holding it close to his face to read the sloppy handwriting.

 _Don't waste your time looking for me._

Derek felt his heart shatter in his chest. What did this mean? What had happened? Where was Meredith? Where was his baby? A sickening idea dawned on him and the note fell out of his hands. What if someone did this to her? What if someone hurt her? What if she was dead and someone wrote the note to make it seem like she ran away? What if he would never get to see her again?

Derek stumbled into the bathroom again and fell to his knees in the blood. He lifted the shirt from the ground and inspected it. It was her Dartmouth shirt. The one with the hole in the back of the neck. The normally grey fabric had been stained dark red and the DARTMOUTH was barely recognizable. Derek held the shirt to his face and smelled it. Underneath the overwhelming stench of blood, he could smell her. Meredith. The shirt smelled like her.

Derek didn't realize he was crying. Tears soaked his face as he held the shirt tightly to his chest as if holding it tightly enough would bring her back to him. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know whether to call the police or Meredith's friends. He didn't know if Meredith was okay or if she was even alive.

The only thing he knew was that she was gone.

XxXxX

 **Like I said- the story is kicking off. Don't stop reading! We've still got a long way to go.**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	8. Chapter 8

George opened his eyes to find that the world was too bright and closed them again. His head pounded as he struggled to remember what had happened and how he got wherever he was. He made an attempt to open his eyes again and looked around. He was in an on-call room. How had he gotten there? Why was he there?

He stumbled out of the room, holding his head in an attempt to stop his pounding headache. Izzie saw him from down the hallway and ran toward him.

"George! George, thank God! I've been looking everywhere for you!" She called. George turned to look at her, blinking to force his vision to focus.

"Izzie? What happened? I can't... I can't remember anything. All I remember is you telling me about Meredith and then alcohol... so much alcohol..." He slurred. She grabbed his arm and pulled him back into the on-call room.

"George... something's happened." She said. He shook his head.

"What? What happened, I can't remember anything Izzie!" He said. Izzie sighed. He heard the pain and worry in her sigh and turned to look at her. He noticed her face was flushed and her eyes were wide and red with worry. She looked like she had been crying. "Wh... what? What is it?"

"George, it's Meredith." She said. He scoffed.

"Yeah, I know. She's marrying McDreamy." He said bitterly. Izzie shook her head.

"She's gone." Her voice broke and he furrowed his eyebrows.

"What? What do you mean, she's gone?" He asked. She sat down on the bed and pulled him with her.

"Derek went home last night and she was gone. There was blood... everywhere. There was a note on the bed telling him not to look for her. Her clothes were on the ground and... oh, it was horrible, George!" She cried, her eyes spilling with tears. He stared at her with wide eyes.

"Wh- d- Did he call the police?" He asked. Izzie nodded, sobbing softly.

"Cristina's going over there...The police... they're inves-investigating... they... think... they think she was... she's dead!" Izzie sobbed. George sucked in a gasp and his mouth fell open. His eyes filled with tears.

"Izzie... Izzie, look at me." He said. She looked up at him, her face drenched in tears. "We have to be strong. If she is out there, if she's alive, we have to be strong for her." He said. Izzie sniffled and her eyes filled with terrified realization suddenly. "What? Is there something else?" He asked.

"George, are you sure you don't remember anything from last night?" She asked softly, her voice full of fear.

"No! I don't remember anything! Why?" He asked worriedly.

"I...I saw you... yelling at Meredith. You were so mad... you ran away before she could even say anything... no one saw either of you after that." She said slowly. George gasped. Izzie's eyes trailed down to his clothes and went wide. She jumped up from the bed.

"What? What, Izzie?!" He asked.

"George... your clothes are covered in blood," Izzie said softly, her eyes filled with fear. George shot up from the bed. He looked down at his clothes, fear jumping to his face.

"Izzie..." He cried as she backed away from him. "Did... did I do this?" He cried, tears streaming down his face. Izzie backed up until she was standing against the door, her heart pounding in her chest.

"Stay away from me!" She shouted when he approached her.

"Izzie..." She ran through the door without looking back.

XxXxX

Cristina pulled up to Meredith's house, tears pooled in her eyes. She saw the police cars parked all around the driveway and gulped. Yellow tape and police fences were set up all around the house. Cristina ran up the sidewalk and into the house frantically.

Derek looked up as soon as she walked in. His face was drenched in tears and his cheeks were flushed. His normally flawless hair was tangled and falling on his face and his normally kind and charming eyes were filled with despair and trauma.

"Cristina..." He started, but she wasn't listening. She had already begun to run up the stairs toward her best friend's room. Derek caught her arm and forced her to look at him. "Cristina! You don't want to go up there. You don't." He said, remembering the horrible scene and the way Izzie had reacted when she had come home and seen it. Cristina ignored him and ran up the stairs. He ran after her.

She froze for a moment to take in the insanity. Police officers and forensic specialists ran around everywhere, bags of evidence in their hands and blood-soaked gloves on their fingers. She stumbled up to the bedroom door but stopped at the yellow tape preventing her entrance. Derek ran up behind her.

Cristina was silent for a few moments. Her eyes scanned the pools of blood on the floor. The bed, stripped of its sheets with only a mattress stained dark red in the middle. The people bustling around collecting samples and evidence. Everything hit her suddenly. Her breathing became shaky and tears finally slipped from her eyes. She began to sob and felt her legs collapse. Derek caught her.

He took her downstairs and sat down on the couch next to her. She slowly calmed down.

"She's our person... she can't... she can't be gone." She cried. Derek looked at her sadly.

"We just have to hope that she's alive." He said solemnly. Cristina took a long, shaky breath.

"She's our person."

XxXxX

 **Now that this story has kicked off, I won't be posting every day any more. I will be sure to post at least once a week, but I don't want to rush myself so that I can put out good content.**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	9. Chapter 9

Izzie drove as fast as she could to Meredith's house, trying to keep the image of George murdering her friend out of her mind. She wouldn't let herself think of that until she was sure.

As soon as she walked in the door, she noticed Derek and Cristina talking a police officer. He said something that really seemed to upset them and Izzie rushed over.

"I'm so sorry for your loss." The Officer said as Cristina sobbed loudly and Derek covered his face with his hands.

"What? What happened? Cristina?" Izzie asked. Derek sat down on the couch, his head still buried in his hands. Cristina looked up at Izzie, her face shining with tears.

"The amount of blood that we found suggests your friend had significant wounds. If this was a homicide, and evidence tells us it might have been, she most likely lost a lot of blood very quickly. With the blood on the bed, the floor, and her clothes, we can deduct that the blood loss was fatal. We're going to start searching for suspects and other evidence. I'm so sorry, ma'am." The police officer said.

"Oh, my god..." Izzie cried, imagining her friend laying on the floor of her bedroom bleeding out. Tears jumped to her eyes and suddenly she remembered George.

"I think... I think I have a suspect" She said. Derek immediately looked up, his eyes full of surprise and a little bit of anger.

"Well, who is it?" Cristina asked. Izzie gulped.

"George O'Malley."

XxXxX

Derek jumped up from the couch and ran out of the house as soon as Izzie was done telling her story. Overwhelming anger fumed inside of him as he dove into his car and sped away. He didn't care that Izzie and Cristina were right behind him. He knew he would get there first.

He reached the hospital within minutes. Izzie and Cristina ran up behind him as he entered through the automatic sliding doors. His eyes scanned the lobby until they landed on the person he was looking for, blazing with anger.

He was silent as he ran toward the man in the bloody clothes. George didn't even see him coming. He was thrown to the ground by the sudden impact and Derek landed on top of him, handfuls of his shirt clutched in his fists.

"She trusted you! You were her friend! You killed her! You killed her you son of a b*tch! You took her from me!" He screamed, slamming the intern on the ground over and over again. He heard Izzie and Cristina running up behind him and knew he had a limited amount of time.

"How could you do this to her? How could you be so selfish? You say you loved her. If you really loved her, you would have let her be happy. Not killed her because she didn't love you back. She's dead because of you. You!" He cried, using all of his strength to slam George on the ground a final time before Cristina grabbed him and pulled him away.

Izzie looked down at George, laying on the ground with tears streaming down his cheeks. Their eyes met and he seemed to beg her to help him. She walked away.

XxXxX

No one had spoken to Cristina since she had seen Meredith's house. She had gone straight to her apartment and crawled into bed after she pulled Derek off of George. When she turned off the light, though, her heart began to pound in her chest. Her eyes darted around in the darkness, searching for any movement. She was afraid. Her fingers found the lamp again and turned it on. She let out a sigh of relief.

She was afraid to close her eyes. Even blinking terrified her. She felt an uneasiness in her stomach and found her eyes glued to the door of the bedroom, expecting a murderous man to burst through it at any moment and kill her like he had her best friend. She didn't want to put George's face on that man. She couldn't be afraid of someone she spent every day with.

The door opened and she jumped, gasping in fear and hearing her heart hammering in her chest.

"Cristina, it's just me." Burke's voice said from the door. She sighed loudly and calmed down as he climbed into the bed next to her and wrapped his arms around her shaking body.

"I heard about Meredith. I'm so sorry, Cristina. I know she was your best friend." He said softly. He felt her shudder and then she was crying into his chest, her dark curls shaking with the rest of her body.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked. She shook her head and continued to cry, her hand grasping at his shirt. "Do you want to go to sleep?" He asked. She shook her head vigorously and her breath caught in her throat for a second. She was terrified of the dark and even more terrified of the nightmares that she would have if she dared to fall asleep.

"Okay." Burke said. He didn't really know what to do. He didn't know what to say to her. He knew nothing would make her feel better but surgery, and she was in no shape to cut someone open. So he just let her cry and cry, showing no signs of stopping. He handed her a glass of water to drink when her throat got dry and he pushed the hair out of her face when it fell.

After a very long time, she stood up and ran to the bathroom, falling to her knees in front of the toilet and vomiting. Burke ran after her, sitting next to her and holding her hair so it wouldn't fall in her face and get dirty. He rubbed her back as she threw up over and over again until there was nothing left in her stomach and she just heaved. She tried to stand up but her knees buckled and she collapsed. He caught her and carried her back to the bed. He helped her change out of her clothes and then he sat with her until he fell asleep, knowing that she wouldn't be able to for a while.

XxXxX

 **Kind of a filler chapter. The next chapter will jump two months forward in time and introduce an unexpected character/storyline. Don't forget to review and let me know what you think happened!**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	10. Chapter 10

**Two chapters tonight because I could tell you guys were ready for some answers.**

 _Two Months Later_

Richard paused for a moment before he opened the door. Why was he doing this? He knew why he was doing it, but he didn't want to admit it. He opened the door.

"Dr. Webber! We haven't seen you in, what, two months? How have you been?" The receptionist asked. He gave her a fake smile.

"I'm sorry. There's just been a lot going on, I haven't found the time to come see her." He said, feeling a pang of grief as he thought about the girl he practically raised.

"I understand. Well, she's just in there, if you want-" She was cut off when a nurse rushed into the room from the direction she was pointing in.

"She's lucid! Ellis Grey is lucid!" She cried. Richard ran up to her.

"She's lucid? She remembers?" He asked. She nodded.

"She's asking for her daughter. Where is Meredith? We haven't seen her in a while." The nurse said. Richard rushed past her without answering her question.

"Ellis? Ellis?!" He called, pushing past people as he burst into the room. Ellis Grey was sitting on the bed, extremely confused.

"Where is Meredith?! I want Meredith!" She screamed at the nurse trying to calm her down.

"Ellis," Richard said from the doorway. She looked up at him. The nurse left the room.

"Richard... Oh, my god!" She cried. "Thank god you're here. Where am I? Who are these people? Where is Meredith? Is she still in Europe? God, I said horrible things to her before she left. Why can't I remember anything?" She asked. He walked into the room slowly and sat down on the bed.

"Ellis..." he started, But she interrupted him with more questions.

"Richard, is this a hospital? Am I sick? I want to go home, Richard." She asked. He grabbed her hands to force her to listen to him.

"Ellis, this is Home. It's been your home for the past five years." He said. She furrowed her eyebrows.

"Five years? No, no, I was in Boston with Meredith. The last thing I remember is fighting with her before she left for Europe." She said. Richard sighed.

"Meredith went to Europe five years ago. She came back because you were diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She went to Med school and was an intern at Seattle Grace." He said. Ellis gasped, her eyes overflowing with tears.

"Alzheimer's?! Is that what this place is? A home? Is that why I can't remember anything?" She cried. Richard nodded solemnly. She sobbed loudly, holding her chest with her hand, for a few moments.

"I'm so sorry Ellis." He said.

"Wh... what about Meredith? Is Meredith okay? Did she turn out okay?" She asked. Richard sighed.

"Meredith was engaged to a wonderful man and she was pregnant with his child. She was extraordinary, Ellis. She was beautiful." He said softly. Her mouth fell open and she furrowed her eyebrows at him again.

"Richard... why do you keep saying was? Where is my daughter?!" She yelled. He wiped a tear from his face.

"Meredith was murdered two months ago. One of her best friends was angry at her because he was in love with her and she didn't love him back. He got drunk one night and just... killed her. Derek went home and found the house covered in blood. She was gone, there was a note on the bed telling him not to look for her. The police did an investigation and said she was murdered. George pled guilty and went to prison. I haven't seen Derek since it happened. He loved her so much, Ellis." He said, tears spilling onto his own face as she gasped and sobbed next to him.

"NO! Meredith! How... how could this happen?! This isn't happening! No!" She sobbed. Richard rubbed her back calmingly and she cried into his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Ellis." He cried. She stopped suddenly. He felt her breath catch in her throat. She went limp in his arms. He pushed her off of him and found that her eyes had rolled back in her head. "Ellis?!" He checked for a pulse. "I need help in here! Call 9-1-1!" He yelled out into the lobby. Nurses came flooding into the room.

"What happened?!" One cried while another called 911.

"She must have had a heart attack. She's in cardiac arrest, do you have an AED?" He said quickly. The nurse ran out into the hallway and brought back a defibrillator. He quickly charged it and shocked her heart. The hospital was just down the block and he heard sirens already. "Charge again!" He ordered when he still didn't feel a pulse. They shocked Ellis again and a third time before her eyes finally shot open and she gasped for air, coughing and groaning in pain. Richard let out a long sigh of relief.

"Richard... what happened?" She wheezed.

"You had a heart attack, Ellis. The ambulance is on the way." He said.

"Oh, God." She gasped.

XxXxX

Cristina was assigned to Ellis's case because of her interest in cardio. She was in the process of checking the former surgeon's vitals, under the supervision of the chief, when Ellis started asking questions.

"Dr. Yang, isn't it? Did you know Meredith? She was my daughter, and I just found out today that she's dead... did you know her?" She asked. Cristina looked up uncomfortably for a moment before going back to what she was doing.

"Um... Dr. Yang was Meredith's best friend. They called each other their 'person'." Richard said for her. Ellis furrowed her eyebrows.

"What's a 'person'?" She asked Cristina. Again, the intern said nothing. Ellis noticed she was shaking a little bit and her eyes were glistening with tears.

"Well, uh, it basically means that um... she was the person... oh, it's really hard to explain. They were good friends." Richard gave up. Cristina finished what she was doing and left the room swiftly.

"What's wrong with her? Why doesn't she talk?" Ellis asked.

"Cristina hasn't said a word to anyone since Meredith... died." He paused before he said the last word as if it was painful for him to say. "She hasn't smiled or laughed or shown any emotion but sadness for two months. She's gone dead inside. The only thing keeping her alive is surgery." He explained sadly. Ellis's face fell.

"The poor girl. This is awful, it's all just horrible." She cried.

"Her boyfriend broke up with her because she wouldn't talk to him. She moved into Meredith's house, which I guess is actually your house, with all of their other friends. She took George's room. Originally, they were going to sell the house, but no one wanted to buy a house where someone was murdered and it was really all they had left of Meredith. Still, no one uses her room anymore. They set up a little shrine for her and people come to pay respects and things. I've seen it. It's really sweet of them." He said. Ellis had a sad smile on her face.

"What about the fiancé? Who was he? How was he? Where is he?" She asked. Richard sighed and smiled.

"Derek was perfect for her. He loved her more than the sun itself. And her heart belonged to him. She was so much happier when he was around. He was the head of neurosurgery-" Ellis cut him off with a disgusted look.

"That's inappropriate! An intern dating an attending? And you let this happen?" She cried. Richard shook his head.

"They met before they knew they worked together, Ellis. And trust me, I didn't support it at first. But... he made her so happy... I couldn't stand to be the one to put an end to that." He defended. Ellis narrowed her eyes at him.

"Did he ever hurt her?" She asked. Richard cringed at the question.

"Well... before he moved to Seattle, he was married. His-" Ellis cut him off again with an exasperated choke.

"She was dating an older married man?!" She cried. Richard ran his hand over his face.

"Derek's wife cheated on him with his best friend and he left. He wanted an escape here and he found love instead. He didn't tell Meredith about his wife. She didn't find out about the wife until she showed up in Seattle and told her herself. He continued. "They broke up for a while. Derek tried to fix things with his wife. About six months back, the interns threw a prom at the hospital. Meredith and Derek got together that night. They both realized they still loved each other. He left his wife and she left her boyfriend." He smiled.

"That's what we could have been, Richard." She said softly. He shook his head.

"We were never meant to be like Derek and Meredith." He sighed. She was silent for a few seconds.

"So what happened next?" She asked.

"Meredith found out she was pregnant. A month later, Derek proposed with this amazing, romantic evening he spent weeks planning. She looked so happy that night... I think her smile could have warmed even the coldest hearts. Her happiness could brighten even the worst of days. She was extraordinary." They both couldn't help but smile despite the tears staining their faces.

"Was she... happy? When she died, was she as happy as she was that night?" Ellis asked tearfully. Richard sighed painfully.

"It was the next day. She went home early because she fainted in surgery. She forgot to take a drink of water and the baby wasn't happy. She checked out fine, but Derek made her go home to rest. He got home and she was gone." He said softly. Ellis nodded and didn't say anything for a while, letting tears drip down her face.

"At least she was happy." She said softly. Richard nodded.

"At least she was happy."

XxXxX

 **The next chapter is up now- there will be answers! Don't forget to review.**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	11. Chapter 11

**Los Angeles Hospital ER Bay- 11:23 PM**

 **Three Months After the Disappearance**

"What do we have?" Dr. Rachel Myers asked the parked ambulance as they unloaded a stretcher.

"Jane Doe, late 20s, maybe early 30s, sustained multiple stab wounds to the abdomen and a serious beating. She coded twice en route but we got her vitals stabilized. Probably massive internal bleeding." He shouted, handing the ambu bag he was using to manually ventilate to a nearby resident.

"Okay, we need to take her right to surgery. Dr. Harrison, scrub in." Myers ordered, rolling her eyes when the eager intern started babbling and groveling.

"Let's just focus on saving this girl's life, how about?" She warned, and he stopped talking immediately. She rolled her eyes again. _Interns_.

XxXxX

 **Los Angeles OR Scrub Room- 11:42 PM**

Dr. Elijah Harrison peeked through the scrub room window at the surgery taking place just a few feet away. He was disappointed to find that the patient was facing him and he couldn't see her abdomen, only that Dr. Myers seemed to be elbow deep in it. Suddenly, he froze.

Even beaten and bruised, he would recognize that face anywhere.

"Dr. Myers." He got the attending's attention as he stepped into the OR, holding a mask over his mouth.

"Dr. Harrison. Glad you could join us. Are you scrubbed?" She said, not looking up at him.

" _Dr. Myers_..." he repeated and she finally looked up.

"I'm elbow deep in this woman's abdomen, what is so important?" She snapped.

"I know who she is!" He blurted. She froze for a moment.

"Well?" She asked.

"I saw a Seattle newscast a few months ago. Her face was all over it. Apparently, her best friend murdered her in a drunken rage. It gave me nightmares for a week." He shuddered. Myers raised her eyebrows.

"Are you absolutely sure? Why would a girl murdered in Seattle show up in our ER?" She asked skeptically. Harrison shrugged.

"I'm positive that's her face." He confirmed. She stared at the woman on the table for a few seconds.

"Go find out everything you can about her. Get her medical history. Call her family." She ordered.

"Yes, ma'am." He said, turning to leave.

"Dr. Harrison." She stopped him. He turned around again.

"Yes, ma'am?"

"What's her name?" She asked.

"Meredith Grey."

XxXxX

 **Los Angeles Hospital Research Room- 1:37 AM**

Elijah sat down at the research station and searched the name _Meredith Grey_ in Google. The first thing to come up was an article by a Seattle news company. _Meredith Grey- What really happened?_

He scrolled through the ads and the opening paragraphs until he reached the part about her.

 _Meredith Grey, daughter of Ellis and Thatcher Grey, was a surgical intern at Seattle Grace Hospital. Her fiancé Derek Shepherd also worked at the hospital. In an interview with him, he said:_

 _"Meredith was a happy person. She may not have shown it much but she was happy. We were getting married soon and actually expecting a baby when she died."_

Elijah had to stop reading or he feared he would cry or throw up or both. He searched Derek Shepherd next. After a little bit of searching, he found the man's cell phone number.

The phone rang for a while before it finally picked up. The voice that answered it was low and sounded groggy.

"Hello?" The man slurred.

"Is this Derek Shepherd?" Elijah asked.

"I'm not doing any more interviews. I'm done." Was the answer.

"This is Dr. Harrison from Los Angeles Hospital. I believe we may have found your fiancé." He said, struggling to keep the excitement out of his voice.

"If this is another prank, it's not funny anymore," Derek said after a few seconds.

"I can assure you this isn't a prank. We need you to come identify her and give a medical history." Elijah explained.

"Why? Is she hurt?" He sounded concerned.

"I can talk to you more in person. Just get here quick." He said, not wanting to tell this man about his fiancé's injuries over the phone and make him worried all the way there.

"I'll be there in four hours."

XxXxX

 **Los Angeles Hospital OR Hallway- 4:03 AM**

Dr. Myers watched from the scrub room as the scrub nurses and OR staff wheeled her patient out of the OR. She let out a soft sigh of relief. The patient was stable and had only coded once during surgery. She had a feeling that this one was going to be okay.

Dr. Harrison stepped into the room just as she finished scrubbing.

"Dr. Myers. How did the surgery go?" He asked. She pulled the mask off of her head and threw it in the trash can.

"She's stable. There was some bleeding and I had to do a splenectomy to get control..." She trailed off. Harrison raised his eyebrows, a touch of worry in his eyes.

"...and...?" He asked. She sighed.

"There were... complications..." She murmured.

"Wh... What kind of complications?"

XxXxX

 _Flashback_

 _Derek let out a low groan as he opened his eyes. The dim light streaking in through the window signified it was either early morning or the beginnings of the night. He had no idea what day it was or how long it had been since he had passed out. It took him a few disoriented moments for him to realize he was in his trailer. He had slept in the trailer for the past three months but it took him a moment to recognize it from the couch. Must not have made it to the bed last night._

 _"Damn." He muttered when he noticed the light brown stain on the couch from the spilled scotch bottle in his hand. He wasn't disappointed about the stain. They were littered all over the furniture from other times he had passed out before he could get to bed. That was a good bottle of scotch._

 _He set the half empty bottle on the coffee table and slowly stood up. His head pounded and he felt dizzy for a few moments, leaning against the table for support until his vision cleared up._

 _Derek stumbled into the bathroom and held himself up on the sink, staring into his own eyes in the mirror. He ran his fingers through his long, shaggy hair. His eyes were tired, exhausted even. His beard had grown out because he hadn't shaved in god knows how long. A constant stench filled the trailer and followed him everywhere because he hadn't thought to shower in days._

 _Had hadn't been to work in weeks. He hadn't talked to anyone in days. The apocalypse could have been happening right outside his door and he would have had no idea. He'd given up._

 _The first month, he helped the police in any way he could. Got them coffee in the mornings, made sure they stayed focused, provided advice and evidence, everything. When they stopped looking for a body and gradually gave up the case, he decided to take things into his own hands._

 _He spent the second month searching for Meredith himself. The chief had told him to take as much time off as he needed right after she had disappeared. He hadn't been to work since the day that he had found her blood everywhere. He couldn't find anything despite spending every waking hour of his life searching for her, so he gave up. He hadn't left the trailer except to stock up on more alcohol and junk food._

 _His phone rang and he ran out of the bathroom, digging through the piles of crap on the floor until he found the source. Every time it rang, he hoped it was Meredith. That she was calling to tell him she was fine, that she never wanted to leave him and that she was coming back. Every time his phone rang, he wanted to hear her sweet voice._

 _Caller Unknown_

 _This was it. It could be her. Maybe she was calling from a phone booth in some remote area. Maybe she was using a stranger's phone. Maybe her phone was broken in whatever had happened that day. He answered it._

 _"Hello?" He asked hopefully. His heart dropped into his stomach and his face fell into a deep frown when the voice that answered was definitely not Meredith's. He had gotten his hopes up again._

 _"Is this Derek Shepherd?" The man asked. Derek huffed._

 _"I'm not doing any more interviews. I'm done." He spat, prepared to hang up the phone._

 _"This is Dr. Harrison from Los Angeles Hospital. I believe we may have found your fiancé." Derek scoffed. He had heard this before. During the two months he was looking for her, he had gotten multiple calls from strangers. 'We found her!' He would rush out as fast as he could only to find someone who was definitely not his Meredith._

 _"If this is another prank, it's not funny anymore." He growled._

 _"I can assure you this isn't a prank. We need you to come identify her and give a medical history." The doctor said. Derek's heart stopped for a moment and he froze._

 _"Wh..why? Is she hurt?" He asked, his voice laced with dread and concern._

 _"I can talk to you more in person. Just get here quick." Dr. Harrison said. He was silent for a while._

 _"I'll be there in four hours." He said._

XxXxX

 **Meredith's alive... probably the most predictable plot twist ever- woops. Leave review to let me know if you predicted this.**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	12. Chapter 12

"Where is she?" Derek shouted as he ran into the hospital. Dr. Harrison looked up and approached him.

"Dr. Shepherd, I'm Dr. Harrison, we spoke on the phone." He said calmly.

"Where is she?!" Derek repeated, grabbing onto the surgeon's arms and looking crazily into his eyes.

"Dr. Shepherd-" Derek didn't let him speak.

"I have to see her! Where is she? I have to see her, I have to!" He yelled, gripping the intern's arms like lifelines.

"Dr. Shepherd, I need to talk to you first..." he tried to say.

"It's been three months! I haven't seen her in three months- I thought she was dead, I have to see her, please!" He cried.

"Dr. Shepherd!" Elijah cried, but the neurosurgeon didn't listen.

"Please! I have to see her! I have to see her so it's real, I have to know that it's her!" He begged.

" _Derek!_ " Harrison shouted. Derek finally stopped and looked up at him, tears in his eyes.

"Please..." He said softly, softening his grip on the interns shoulders slightly.

"You need to sit down. I have to tell you everything before you can see her, okay?" Elijah explained slowly. Derek nodded, running his fingers through his hair and sitting down nervously.

"Is she okay? Is she hurt? How's the baby?" He asked. Dr. Harrison gulped.

"Um... your fiancé-" Derek cut him off again.

"Meredith." He corrected. Harrison nodded.

"Meredith was attacked. She came into the ER malnourished and dehydrated with three stab wounds and a severe beating. We took her to surgery and were able to stop the bleeding, but we did have to do a splenectomy to get control." He explained slowly. Derek's eyes overflowed with tears.

"She was attacked? Wh... how's the baby? Did you have to take it out? Is it okay, is it breathing?" He asked. Elijah sighed sadly.

"Um... during surgery, we found an infection in Meredith's uterus. It was most likely caused by an incomplete miscarriage that was never medically addressed. We were able to cut out most of the infection but... it is possible she may have lost fertility potential." At this point, Derek lost it. He began to sob, clutching the sides of the waiting room chair until his knuckles turned white.

"She... She... she lost... the baby... and she... can't have... any more... kids?" He cried. The surgical intern placed his hand on top of Derek's in an attempt to be comforting, no idea what he could say that would make this man feel better.

"I'm so, so sorry, sir." He sighed.

"When can I see her?" Derek asked.

"She should be out of the ICU in about an hour. You can see her then." He explained.

"Because I'm not technically her family." Derek nodded, sniffling softly.

"I'm very sorry I don't have better news." Elijah said.

"Meredith's alive. That's the best news that I've heard in my life. I've been hoping... praying, even, that she was alive all this time. I never... never expected to be able to see her again except in a body bag..." he sighed. "Thank you. Thank you... for saving her. For recognizing her. For calling me. Thank you." He finished. Harrison nodded and stood up.

"I'll let you know as soon as you can see her." He assured him.

XxXxX

An hour later, Meredith got her own room. She had started breathing on her own, so they took her off of the ventilator. The doctors said she should wake up within ten minutes of the ventilator being removed.

Derek sat in her room by her bed, his head resting on her hand. He wanted nothing more than to climb into the bed next to her and hold her, but she had sustained several broken ribs and a fractured wrist and he knew that would be painful for her. Instead, he sat and held her hand, grateful for any contact he could have with her. Being able to touch her made him feel like everything would be okay.

Her face had multiple deep bruises and a long stitched up cut on her forehead. One arm had a cast on it up to her elbow and her abdomen was wrapped tightly in bandages. _She's still beautiful_.

Meredith's hand twitched suddenly and her eyelids started to flutter. The heart monitor sped up, beeping rapidly as she finally opened her eyes.

"Meredith?" He asked softly, standing up next to her. She looked up at him and for a moment, her eyes filled with relief.

"Derek?" She croaked. Something flashed in her eyes and her hopeful smile died. Her eyes glazed over with sadness and filled with tears.

"I'm here, Meredith. It's okay. You're okay now." He tried to calm her down.

"No!" She cried suddenly, pulling her hand out of his grip painfully.

"Wh-what do you mean?" He asked, reaching out to take her hand again. She flinched away from him. Her heart monitor was beeping rapidly and she began to gasp for air.

"No! No!" She sobbed. He stared at her, his eyes full of hurt.

"Meredith-" he stood frozen, no idea what to do.

"No! No! No, no, no!" She screamed. A nurse rushed into the room along with a panicked doctor. Derek stumbled back until he was standing against the wall, his hand covering his face as the doctors and nurses attempted to calm Meredith down.

"Sir, you need to leave." Someone called. Arms pulled him through the door toward the waiting room. He couldn't rip his eyes away from her. Why was she afraid of him? Why wouldn't she let him touch her?

He found himself sitting in a chair in the waiting room. His eyes were still staring down the hall at her room. His mind was swarmed with thoughts but completely blank at the same time. He didn't know what to do.

He saw police officers arrive and head toward her room. One of them stepped cautiously inside. Another one walked toward him.

"Derek Shepherd?" The man asked. Derek shook himself out of his glazed over state and nodded.

"I'm Officer Conrad, I'll be the lead detective on your wife's case." He said. Derek shook his head slowly.

"She's not my wife. Not yet, anyway." He said, still staring at the door to her room.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Conrad said quickly.

"I wish she was my wife. More than most things. The only thing I could wish for more than that would be for her to be okay. I could wish for her to be safe or happy. But somehow I feel like if she was my wife... I could give her those things. I could protect her. I could make her happy. Maybe if she was my wife she... would let me see her." His voice broke and his throat went dry.

"I'm very sorry, Dr. Shepherd. I know this must be difficult for you." The Officer said.

"She won't let me touch her. All I want to do is hold her hand but she's so afraid that she can't let me touch her." He stammered.

"I promise you that we will get to the bottom of this. We're going to find out who did this and they are are going to pay, alright?" Conrad said, getting emotional himself. He didn't know why, but he already felt attached to this case. He had seen the news reports on TV and remembered feeling horrible. He never expected to get a chance to make it better. Derek nodded and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I missed her so much, you know? It's like I couldn't function without her. I've never felt this way about anyone before. Never." He said nervously.

"It may be a while before my friend is done in there. Maybe you should think about getting a hotel room, maybe some sleep or freshen up a bit." Derek knew he was trying not to be rude about his stench or his unsightly beard and hair. He shook his head.

"I can't leave her. Not now, not after everything... I can't leave her alone." He sighed.

"Does she have any family you can call? Someone to stay with her?" The Officer suggested.

"Her friends are her family. I'll call them once I know she's going to be okay. I don't want them coming all the way out here just to sit in a waiting room and worry." He argued.

"Well, alright. I can stay with her if you want. My colleague is in there trying to get information now and we won't be done for a while if you want to freshen up." Conrad offered. Derek once again shook his head.

"I'm just fine here. I don't want to be gone if she needs me." He said. Conrad nodded.

"Okay. I will let you know if she's ready to see you." He said, standing up and walking down the hall into Meredith's room.

Derek sighed and rested his head in his hands. He felt defeated. He had spent three months without her wanting nothing more than to see her face again and now she refused to see him. His mind wandered to her injuries.

 _Malnourished and dehydrated... three stab wounds... severe beating... bleeding... splenectomy... infection... incomplete miscarriage... lost fertility potential..._

It all became too much for him in that moment and he let tears stream freely down his face. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. They were supposed to be happy. They were supposed to be married. Meredith would have been six months pregnant by then. They would have known the gender, unless they wanted it to be a surprise. Now she was laying in a hospital bed so traumatized that she was refusing to see him with no baby and three stab wounds to the stomach. _How did we get here_?

 _How do we get back?_

XxXxX

 **Sorry this chapter took so long to get up. I had a bit of writer's block. / The next chapter will probably be pretty long and will finally give us some insight into Meredith's point of view and what really happened. It should be up soon so keep your eyes peeled!**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	13. Chapter 13

After what felt like hours sitting in the waiting room, Officer Conrad finally came out and told Derek that Meredith was ready to see him again.

He stood in the doorway for a few seconds and watched her. She had turned to face the window of the small room and he could only see her silky blonde hair peeking out over the sheets.

"Meredith..." he saw her tense up and knew that she heard him, but she didn't turn around. "I um... I want you to know... I'm here for you. Even if you don't want to see me, I'm here. Whatever you need, I can give you. You just... need to talk to me. Please." He said gently.

"I'm sorry." She whimpered. Derek took a small step into the room.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for." He assured her.

"I was scared. It wasn't your fault... none of it was." She continued as if he hadn't said anything.

"Scared of what?" He asked, feeling like he might actually find out what happened to her.

"Scared of you. Scared that you would hate me. Scared that I would... lose you." She said quietly. Finally, she turned over to look at him, but still didn't meet his eyes.

"Is that why you didn't want to see me?" He took another step toward her.

"No... that was a different fear." She said cryptically. He was alarmed by the darkness that flushed through her eyes when she spoke, gone just as fast at it had appeared. "I was afraid that you would hate me." She repeated.

"I could never hate you." He shook his head, eyes full of sincerity.

"You don't know the whole story." She looked down at the ground.

"Then tell me, Meredith. I promise you, there is nothing that you can tell me that would make me hate you. Nothing." He insisted.

"I ran away!" She blurted. He raised his eyebrows but stayed silent. She took a moment and composed herself. "I had a miscarriage. I kept thinking... this baby was the only reason you wanted to marry me. And I lost it. I screwed it up. I thought you would be mad at me for killing your baby. So I ran. I bought an apartment under a fake name. I only planned to stay for a little while, but then I saw the news broadcasts and I thought everyone would be angry with me for sending George to prison for no reason."

"No one is angry with you. I'm just happy you're alive. I'm sure everyone else will be too." He tried to comfort her.

"I got depressed. I felt like I could never come back. The longer I stayed... the more reasons I thought of that everyone would hate me for being alive." She sighed.

"You don't know how happy I was to find out you're alive. I thought I lost you, Meredith-" She cut him off suddenly.

"Cut the crap, Derek!" She shouted. He froze, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. "You're lying to yourself. I know it because I did the same thing. You keep telling yourself that you're not mad at me and you just hope that the anger will go away, but it won't! It'll only get worse. I spent three months telling myself I couldn't love you anymore because you could never love me the same way again, not after I ruined everything. I didn't let myself think about you for three months, Derek. I knew that if I thought about you, I'd only miss you and I'd convince myself to come back to you and you would hate me. And do you want to know what happened?" She asked.

"I'm not mad-" she ignored him.

"I finally let myself think about you when I was dying. I was laying on the ground feeling the life draining out of my body, and I finally let go of all of my fear. And you know what? It hurt so bad, Derek. It was like all that time, a whole mountain's worth of missing you built up. And at that moment when I finally let myself feel it... the mountain crushed me. It crushed me and all I wanted was to see you again before I died."

XxXxX

 _Meredith didn't know how long it had been since she had taken a drink of water or eaten anything at all. It could have been hours or it could have been days. She didn't care anymore. She had nothing left to live for._

 _Nothing had changed for weeks. She would sleep for hours at a time, wake up, and lay there until she could fall back asleep. Sometimes she would cry. She didn't really know what she was crying about, but she just cried. It made her feel a little bit better._

 _She heard the lock on her door jiggling and sat up slowly in bed, ignoring the nausea that overcame her from the quick movement. No one had entered her apartment in forever. Who was trying to get in?_

 _The door swung open and she slowly got out of bed to see who it was. Her legs were weak and she could barely stand._

 _"Hello?" She called when no one announced their entrance. She walked over to the door and was surprised to find that no one was standing in the doorway. She closed the door cautiously, looking down the hall for anyone who might have run away._

 _As soon as the door was closed, an arm wrapped around her stomach tightly and she felt something cold pushed against her throat. She yelped in surprise as the unknown person pulled her backwards into the apartment._

 _She tried to push him off of her, flinging her arms behind her fruitlessly in an attempt to scare him away. She landed a blow to his face and he backed, disoriented, directly into her nightstand. She saw her phone fly under the bed as her attacker adjusted his grip and got his footing again._

 _"Do not make a sound." Meredith's blood ran cold and she froze as the familiar voice spoke gruffly in her ear. She felt herself trembling as the man's warm breath tickled her cheek. This couldn't be happening._

 _Her brain finally started working again and she used all of her strength to turn suddenly and push him down to the ground, spinning and beginning to run in the opposite direction. His knife dragged across her forehead on the way down and she felt blood begin to trickle down her face._

 _His large hand clamped around her ankle and she collapsed, landing on her wrist and stifling a scream when she heard a crack. He quickly climbed on top of her, using his legs to pin her down._

 _The light from her window shone directly on him, casting a shadow across his entire face. The only thing she could see were his bright blue eyes..._

 _"This is what you get, Sunshine." His voice spat bitterly. She gasped in surprise as pain shot through her abdomen and she looked down to see his knife embedded deep in her stomach. He pulled it out quickly and she sucked in a sharp breath, still in shock from the injury. Before she could think, he had stabbed her twice more and stood up, kicking her multiple times and running away._

 _She felt her ribs break when he kicked her and cried out loudly, which only seemed to make him more angry. She thought he was finally done, but his leg reached back again, this time aiming for her face. His shoe made contact with her temple and her entire world blinked for a few moments. When she opened her eyes again, he was gone._

 _She coughed and felt blood splatter her chin. Strangely, the only thing she could think of was Derek. Why hadn't she told him instead of running away? Why hadn't she stayed with him where she was safe? Now, her breathing was getting shallower and all that she wanted to do was hear his voice again._

 _She remembered something. Her phone was under the bed. She could see it, just a few feet away. Slowly, painfully, she reached for it. Her fingers touched the cold glass and she pulled it toward her, turning it on and cringing at the red bloodstains on the screen._

 _"9-1-1, What is your emergency?" A woman asked._

 _"I... I've been stabbed." She choked._

 _"I need you to stay calm, ma'am, I'm sending an ambulance to your location now. Can you tell me the address?" She asked. Meredith heard the panick in the lady's voice._

 _"I-I'm in apartment 396... I think... the door is open... he ran away... please help..." She felt herself getting winded from just talking for a moment._

 _"Okay, ma'am, just hang on, the ambulance and the police are coming. Just a few more minutes." The woman said._

 _"I have... to hang up now..." Meredith said. She knew what she needed to do._

 _"Just a few more minutes, they're on their way." The lady didn't seem to hear her. She hung up anyway._

Voicemails

From: Derek

Three Months Ago

 _"Hey honey." His voice filled her ears and she gasped. She hadn't realized how much she missed him. "You're probably asleep, which is good. You need your rest. Um, I'm going to take off work early and bring you dinner. I'm thinking that soup place down the street that you like so much. Anyway, I hope you feel better soon. I'll see you at home. I love you."_

Beep.

 _She smiled._ I love you too.

XxXxX

"I passed out when I heard the sirens coming. When I woke up... I thought it was all a Dream. But you were sitting there, and I saw your eyes..." She trailed off and Derek was filled with concern at the fear that consumed her pupils.

"Meredith..." she didn't interrupt him and he took the cue to continue. "Why can't you look at me?" Her lip quivered at the pain in his voice as he took a few more steps closer to her so that he was just an arm's length away from the bed.

"His eyes... they were so blue... they haunt me every time I close my eyes. I see them when I blink... in my dreams... and you... you. Your eyes used to be my favorite thing about you. I could just get lost in them. But now... all I see is him... standing over me... with the bright blue eyes..." Tears flowed onto her face and she stared at a tile on the floor, darkness swirling in her pupils.

"It's okay. You're okay, you're allowed to be scared. You don't have to do anything until you're ready. I'm here for you." He stopped her so that she wouldn't spiral into more stories that would only traumatize them both even more. He would never admit it, but he was slightly disappointed. He had hoped it was something he could fix. He had hoped there was something he could do to take her pain away.

"None of this is your fault." She mumbled again. They were silent for a moment and a thought occurred to him that sent goosebumps jumping up and down his skin.

"Meredith... did you know the person who did this to you?" He asked, praying that she said no or even just shook her head. She gave him no answer, keeping her gaze fixed on the tiles of the floor and letting silent tears drip down her cheeks. Seconds morphed into decades and milleniums of deafening silence and finally, she broke through the barrier of tension building in the room.

"Are you... mad at me?" She asked softly, her voice a mouse's squeak in a football stadium. He stood for a moment trying to think of an answer.

"No. I'm not mad. I'm a little bit hurt that you didn't think you could come to me. I know I've done a lot to make you think you can't trust me, but I really want you to feel like you can tell me anything. I want to be your safe place. I... want _you_." Meredith furrowed her eyebrows and he closed the distance between them, tentatively taking her hand in his and searching her face for any sign of discomfort.

"I know that you're afraid. I know that you feel like everything is falling apart. But I'm telling you, you still have me, Meredith. What happened wasn't your fault. You did nothing wrong. The baby wasn't the only reason I wanted to marry you. I want to marry you because I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Baby or no baby, I want _you_." He stared into her eyes even though she couldn't look up at him.

"Baby or no baby?" She repeated and he heard the tears breaking through her voice. His face was sticky from crying as well. He reached his hand up and stroked her hair softly.

"We could have 12 kids or none. We could live in a mansion or a cardboard box. We could be the most famous surgeons in the world or we could clean bathrooms, I don't care. As long as I'm doing it with you, I'll be happy doing anything." He said. They were speaking so quietly now that no one would be able to hear them from more than five feet away. Their faces were inches away, feeling the breaths exiting each other's lungs.

Her green eyes looked up at him. Instead of fear or darkness inside of them, they were engrossed with love. His heart skipped as her hand reached up and grabbed his cheek, pulling him closer to her still.

A single second ticked by and their breaths synced. Time seemed to slow as their lips finally met in a gentle, tender kiss. Neither dared to break the embrace that they had dreamed of for three months. Life seemed to be breathed directly into their bodies from each other, as if one thrived on the touch of the other.

Their love was the universe, stretching far beyond human comprehension and growing exponentially with every second that ticked by. When they were finally brought together after so long apart, they were completed, the final piece to the puzzle, the other half of the story.

They were giants, standing high above the world and casting shadows on their enemies. The things holding them back were ants, small and easily conquerable. Nothing could break them so long as they stayed within each other.

But, like all good things, their kiss came to an end.

And they shrunk once again. Ants became skyscrapers and the universe condensed to a single cramped hospital room with two wounded doctors sitting on a thinly-sheeted bed.

And the seconds ticked on.

XxXxX

 **I am so sorry that I didn't post anything last week.**

 **The next chapter will hopefully be up soon.**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	14. Chapter 14

Cristina stared at a chart absently as she walked down the hall toward the nurse's station. She bumped into someone and looked up. Fear washed over her, unimaginable fear as her eyes widened and stared into the green ones she hoped to never see again.

"Cristina! Thank god! Do you know what's going on? I have no idea." His voice barely registered in her mind as she stumbled away from him, abandoning the chart in her hands. He stopped talking and looked hurt that she was so afraid of him, but he understood why. She thought he had murdered her best friend. Who wouldn't be scared of him?

She ran in the opposite direction as fast as she could, pinching herself to make sure she wasn't having the same nightmare she had almost every time she fell asleep. Finally, she reached the Chief's office and burst inside, out of breath. Richard looked up.

"Dr. Yang. I think there's something you should see." He said, barely noticing her exasperated look. "Check room 276." He smiled and looked back down at his paperwork. She caught her breath for a few moments and set off for room 276. It was probably a patient that needed a consult. She wasn't going to complain about a distraction from what she had just literally run into.

 _Maybe it wasn't him. Maybe I just imagined it._ She thought as she reached the room and opened the door.

Cristina froze. She stood there for what felt like hours. Barely breathing. Her heart pounding in her chest. _Meredith_. She didn't believe it. She was crazy. This was a dream. She finally walked over to the bed to see if it was truly her friend laying asleep in front of her or if it was just her imagination. Another figure was sitting next to her, one she barely recognized. It took her a moment to realize it was Derek under the badly groomed beard and dark circles under his eyes.

A small part of her hoped this wasn't Meredith. The bruising and swelling on her face and the casts on her arm and leg suggested she had been severely injured. She didn't want her best friend to endure any more pain.

She stood at the end of the bed and reached down with both of her hands, grabbing Meredith's feet through her blanket. The surgeon jumped awake, rousing Derek as well. Cristina's brown eyes met Meredith's green ones and she knew it was her. _She's alive._

They were both silent for a long time. They stared at each other, millions of different emotions flooding over them all at once. Derek watched Meredith for any sign of another breakdown.

"Cristina." She said softly, her eyes overflowing with tears. Her person looked the same way. They both had gone through the same cycle of emotions that ended in relief.

"Meredith." Cristina surprised herself. She spoke without even thinking. The part of her that had been taken when she lost Meredith was returned. She was complete again. They smiled at each other. Derek couldn't help but smile too.

XxXxX

It was hours later and Cristina had been required to go back to work. To her attending's surprise, she responded with a clear _sorry, sir._ And went straight back to work. She smiled the entire day and people wondered what had gotten into her before the news got around that Meredith was alive.

People flooded in and out of her room all day, telling her how glad they were that she was alive, dropping off flowers if she was sleeping, telling her that she would be in their prayers. Her friends visited most often, showing up any time they could and staying for as long as they could. Izzie, Cristina, and Alex were extremely supportive and didn't ask any questions they knew she would be uncomfortable answering.

It was a particularly slow hour, it was late and everyone was either in surgery or going home. Meredith was exhausted from all of the smiling and gift receiving and _thank you_ s. Derek was tired as well and had climbed into the bed next to her, his arms wrapped protectively around her and his face nestled in the crook of her neck. He waited to make sure she was soundly asleep before closing his eyes himself. Before he could fall asleep, he heard shuffling in the doorway.

"Meredith?" A quiet voice asked. Derek looked up to see who it was, making sure Meredith didn't stir. His face hardened when he saw George O'Malley standing awkwardly in the door.

"What are you doing here?" He asked coldly, louder than he meant to. Meredith shifted in his grasp, which had gotten much tighter since Derek had recognized the visitor.

"Derek?" She asked softly, her eyes still closed and her face still sleepy. He kissed her temple and stroked her hair.

"Shh. Go back to sleep. It's nothing." He whispered. She shifted again to a more comfortable position and went back to sleep quickly. George stared at her, his eyes filled with guilt and sadness.

"I'm sorry. I can come back later, I just wanted to talk to her." He said, his eyes still trained on the sleeping surgeon.

"Don't bother coming back. Don't bother showing your face here ever again. You may not have killed her, but you hurt her that night, and no one here will ever want to forgive you for that." Derek spat. George looked at the ground and turned to leave the room.

"I'm glad she's alive. I wish the best for both of you." He said before finally walking out of the room, his head down and his eyes glued to the floor. Derek watched him. His eyes. _Green. It couldn't have been him._

 _So who was it?_

XxXxX

Despite Derek's warning, George came back the next morning. He found that they were both in the same position on the bed. Meredith was still asleep and Derek was still awake.

"I told you not to come back." He muttered. "I could call security if I wanted to."

"I just want to talk to her. Five minutes. Please." George begged.

"Why should I let you anywhere near her?" Derek was adamant.

"I want to tell her I'm sorry. I just want to tell her I'm sorry." He pleaded.

"It's just five minutes, Derek. I'll be okay." Meredith surprised both of them when she spoke up. She turned around to look at Derek. "I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" He whispered. "You don't have to."

"I owe it to him." She said.

"You don't owe him anything." Derek shook his head.

"Yes, I do. He went to prison for three months for no reason because of me. _George_. In _prison_. It's just five minutes." She argued. Derek smiled slightly and cupped her cheek with his hand.

"I really love you." He sighed.

"I really love you too." She kissed him softly and then he dismounted from the bed, giving George a less than welcoming look on his way out of the room.

George stood a few feet away from her bed, afraid she might freak out if he got too close. She watched Derek leave and then turned her attention to him.

"Meredith..." He started, but she interrupted him.

"Before you start, I just want to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you had to go to prison because of me. I'm sorry that I made everyone hate you. I'm sorry that I made you feel guilty for something you didn't do." She said. George shook his head.

"What _did_ I do? I don't remember anything from that night. I found out you and Derek were engaged and I remember a lot of alcohol... then I woke up and Izzie told me you were gone. Did I... hurt you? Or your baby?" He asked. Meredith sighed sadly.

"No. Not physically, anyway. I was on my way home because I felt sick. You were in the lobby when I got there and you were seriously drunk. You... yelled at me for never giving you a chance. For never loving you back. And then you stormed off." She said.

"Meredith, I... I didn't mean any of that, I would never..." His green eyes had filled with tears. She reached out her hand and motioned for him to come closer. He stepped up to her bed and grasped his hand in hers.

"I know. I know you didn't mean it. It's okay." She said. He stared at the ground.

"Wh...what about the blood? What happened to you?" He asked, fully aware he was crossing a line into uncomfortable territory.

"I had a miscarriage. I got home, I took a nap, and I woke up feeling nauseous. I ran into the bathroom and looked behind me and saw a trail of blood. I threw up and then I passed out. When I woke up and realized it wasn't just a horrible nightmare, I changed my clothes and I ran away. I left a note telling Derek not to look for me. Then, a couple days ago, someone broke into my apartment and attacked me, and I ended up in a hospital in LA. Some intern recognized me and called Derek and then they moved me here." She explained. Tears were freely falling down George's face.

"I'm so sorry, Mer." He cried. She squeezed his hand.

"Stop apologizing. It wasn't your fault." She said.

"Sorry." He said instinctively. He shook his head and they both laughed. She stared at him for a few seconds.

"I missed you." She said. He smiled.

"I missed you too."

XxXxX

 **I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. So sorry I haven't posted in so long! I've been struggling a lot with trying to balance my time and haven't been able to write much. I have a lot of work that's almost finished but I just can't think of a way to end it so I can post it! I promise I will be posting as much as I can over the next few days/weeks so keep an eye out for new chapters.**

 **Not much happened in this chapter but it's all building up to the big reveal... coming very soon. Stay tuned for the next chapter!**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	15. Chapter 15

**Here's the big reveal chapter... it's probably pretty obvious because I've been leaving not-so-subtle clues in the last few chapters about it. Oh well. I hope you enjoy!**

 **XxXxX**

 _"Do not make a sound." The voice rattled around in Meredith's brain like a bullet bouncing off of every thought she tried to process._

 _She threw her attacker to the ground and ran as fast as she could to escape. His knife caught the skin on her face as he fell and she felt warm blood dribbling down her neck. A strong hand clamped around her ankle and she collapsed, screaming in pain as her wrist took the brunt of the fall._

 _Before she could think, he was on top of her, a dark shadow cast across his face and his bright blue eyes shining with pleasure. He leaned closer to her and whispered gruffly in her ear._

 _"This is what you get, sunshine." His breath tickled her ear and sent a shiver down her spine as she squirmed to escape him, but it was no use. His large, muscular body easily overpowered her tiny frame and his weight crushed her abdomen with every breath he took._

 _She was helpless as she was forced to watch him stab her multiple times, screaming in agony and earning a hard slap across the face, one she had felt once before. Her shirt had turned from a light grey to a dark burgundy as blood poured from the wounds._

 _Satisfied that she wouldn't be able to escape, her attacker stood up and towered over her, a smirk on his face. He kicked her once in the ribs and she cried out in pain. He kicked her again and she felt tears flinging from her eyes. A loud crack echoed through the room as his boot slammed into her once more and she felt her entire body shift from the contact._

 _Meredith stared up at him, begging him to stop as tears leaked down her face. She coughed suddenly and felt blood splatter on her face. He smirked at her. His foot reached back again and he kicked her temple, sending her straight into unconsciousness. A final groan escaped her lips as the pain slowly dissipated._

 _XxXxX_

"No! No! No!" Derek jumped awake when Meredith started thrashing in his grip and trying to escape him. Her voice was breaking with fear and he immediately released her, still in slight shock.

"Meredith. Meredith. Wake up. Wake up!" He gently shook her and tried to wake her but she was immersed in her nightmare. She froze suddenly and her breathing quickened for a few seconds before she went back to thrashing.

"No. No!" She screamed. Derek shook her a little bit harder, still cautiously gentle with her fragile body. "No! No!" She continued to cry.

Her hands grabbed her abdomen and she writhed in only mostly imaginary pain. A loud scream seemed to jump directly from her throat into the air as she squirmed in the bed. Derek was frozen in fear, watching her relive her worst nightmare. Finally, he gave her shoulders a final shake and she shot up in bed, her face soaked with sweat and tears and her breaths uneven and jagged.

"Derek?" She gasped. He looked at her, his face painted with concern.

"Are you okay? What were you dreaming about?" He asked worriedly. Her face hardened and her eyes filled with fear.

"Finn." The single word seemed to be painful for her to say and he raised his eyebrows.

"Finn? The last time he laid a hand on you, I hit him so hard he couldn't remember which way was up." He said. More tears filled her eyes and she broke down in front of him.

"That wasn't the last time." She cried softly. Derek's face transformed from confusion to shock to anger.

"He did this to you?" He asked. Meredith only nodded. Derek was filled with burning rage. "I'll kill him. I'll _kill_ him!" He clenched his fists and Meredith shrunk away slightly. He immediately calmed down and turned back to her.

"He told me I deserved it. For cheating on him. He said, 'this is what you get'. I can't... I didn't think he was capable of hurting someone this badly." She whimpered. Derek wrapped his arms tightly around her.

"He's not going to hurt you again. I'm gonna make the police search every inch of this planet to make him pay. He's going to pay, Meredith. This isn't over." He assured her.

"He was looking for me. He was looking for me and he found me and now when he finds out I'm still alive... he's going to come back. He's going to find me again and he's going to kill me, Derek." She sobbed. He pulled her closer to him.

"I'm going to protect you, Meredith. No matter what happens, I'm going to protect you. I won't let him hurt you again." He promised.

"Really?" She asked softly.

"Really. He comes back and I'll hit him so hard he won't know his own name anymore." He smirked. She smiled, feeling slightly safer in his arms.

"I love you." She whispered, just loud enough for him to hear.

"I love you too." He whispered back.

XxXxX

About a week later, Meredith was discharged. Derek brought her home and they stepped into her bedroom. She froze.

"Oh, my god." He whispered. "I forgot... I'm so sorry Meredith." He looked at her for a reaction. She stared straight ahead in shock.

The tribute that her friends had built for her still sat on her bed and flowers and gifts filled the room. She looked around for a few seconds.

"They did this for me?" She asked softly. Derek nodded.

"Yeah. We can move it... to sleep... if you want." He mumbled, still not sure how she was feeling. Izzie walked up behind them.

"Oh. I was just coming to help take it apart... I can wait." She said awkwardly. Meredith looked up at Derek.

"I... I feel bad. All of this was because you thought I was dead... now I'm still alive and I feel like... I don't know... like I shouldn't have it anymore. I lied to everyone for months... I don't deserve all of this." She shook her head. Derek placed his hand on her cheek.

"You do deserve it. And you weren't lying. You were scared. Something horrible happened. That's okay. No one is mad at you for that. We're all just happy you're alive." He insisted. She nodded.

"Maybe... maybe we should just move it. For now. Take it apart later." She said. Izzie nodded and they all stepped forward to move the large display.

"We've got it, Meredith. You take it easy. You're still healing." Izzie stopped her. She crossed her arms and made a pouty face much like a toddler.

"I'm perfectly capable of lifting a picture frame. It's not going to kill me." She argued. Derek gave her a pleading look and she huffed, stepping out of their way grudgingly. They moved all of the gifts out into the hallway quickly and the room looked almost exactly the same as it did when Meredith left. There were new sheets on the bed and the carpet had been replaced, but otherwise everything looked the same. Meredith was excited to be home.

"I'll uh... leave you two alone." Izzie giggled awkwardly and then closed the door and disappeared down the hall. Derek turned to Meredith and she smiled seductively.

"Finally alone..." She breathed, thankful that she had him on his own for the first time since she had disappeared. They had plenty of time to themselves in the hospital but people were still checking in on them all the time. He approached her slowly.

"Finally." He repeated. Before any more words could be spoken, he had advanced, placing his hand on her cheek and kissing her passionately. His other hand wrapped around her waist and she tangled her fingers behind his neck.

He ran his hand down her back and lifted her up, allowing her to wrap her legs around him and placing her gently down on the bed. She pulled his shirt over his head quickly and they reconnected their lips as he climbed onto the bed on top of her.

His fingers wrapped around the hem of her shirt and began to lift it but he stopped suddenly. She looked down at him and her eyes filled with sadness.

"I'm sorry... I've just..." He choked, his eyes shining with fresh tears.

"Never seen them before." She finished for him. He nodded and rolled off of her, the heat in the room having dissipated quickly. She pulled her shirt down over the scars on her stomach and turned to him. "They're just scars, Derek. They're not going to go away." She reasoned.

He couldn't get the image out of his head of Meredith, laying in her hospital bed the day he found her, beaten and broken. He remembered how her tiny frame looked like it could blow away with a single soft gust of wind and how he could see her bones through the hospital gown hanging from her body and her face had sunken slightly from the lack of fat. Even though she was there in front of him and he could feel her skin against his, he couldn't stop thinking about how pale she had been that day from the blood she had lost and the bruises covering her face and body.

"I know. I know they're just scars but... I can't stand looking at where he hurt you." He sighed. She reached down and intertwined her hand with his.

"It wasn't your fault." She repeated for what felt like the millionth time.

"I still feel like I should have protected you. I should have looked harder... I shouldn't have given up or hidden in the woods." He shook his head.

"I left a note telling you not to look for me. That fact you did anything at all shows that you care." She argued.

He was silent for a moment and then he reached over to the nightstand and opened the drawer. She watched him pull a piece of paper out and look at it.

 _Don't waste your time looking for me._

"You kept it?" She gasped.

"I don't know why. I just wanted to believe you were out there, alive." He said. They stared at the paper for a few seconds. Their eyes locked and he crumpled up the paper, throwing it to the ground.

He kissed her again and this time, nothing stopped him from lifting her shirt over her head. He kissed from her cheek down to her neck, where he hovered for a moment and sucked softly on her skin where he knew he drove her crazy. His head traveled to her stomach, where he kissed every one of her scars gently.

"Derek..." She cried, needing him more than ever. He moved his head back up to kiss her and his hands caressed her soft skin.

"Mmh... Meredith." He panted as they both shed the rest of their clothing. She grabbed the back of his head and pulled him toward her, capturing the last syllable he spoke inside her mouth.

"No more talking." She ordered. She was tired of talking. That was all they had done. Talking and little snippets of kisses. She wanted more. She wanted him.

"You're cute when you're bossy." He whispered. She bit his lip just hard enough to hurt. "Ouch!" He yelped.

"Shut up." She giggled.

XxXxX

 **So Derek finally knows who's behind all of this... what will he do in response? Can he protect Meredith from Finn? Find out soon.**

 **Don't forget to review to let me know what you think of this chapter!**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	16. Chapter 16

_Meredith Grey- Session 9 Transcript- January 24, 2007_

 **Let's get started, Dr. Grey. Anything you want to tell me about since we last met?**

It's the same as last week. And the week before that. I sit at home and watch cooking shows in the vain hope that I can learn to make something other than Kraft Mac and Cheese for Derek and my roommates when they get home from work.

 **Is there anything stressing you out lately?**

The only thing stressing me out is not being able to go to work. I don't understand why you won't just clear me. The hospital required I come to three therapy sessions. This is... what... our eighth?

 **Ninth. And I haven't cleared you because you're not ready yet.**

What more do you want from me? I've told you everything I know! If there's something specific you want me to say, I'll say it! Just tell me!

 **You have to figure that out on your own.**

I'm not a kindergartener. The only thing that's holding me back right now is you not letting me come back to work. If anything you're slowing my healing process.

 **I think I know what I'm doing, Dr. Grey. Now are you sure there isn't anything else stressing you out?**

Like I've said the past four weeks, I'm fine. Something bad happened. I get over things quickly. I'm fine now.

 **You didn't get over your miscarriage quickly.**

What gives you the right to talk to me about-

 **I am your therapist. It's my job to talk to you about the things you don't want to talk about.**

I'm done. We're done here. Clear me or don't clear me. This is over.

XxXxX

 _Meredith Grey- Session 10 Transcript- Feb. 15, 2007_

 **Dr. Grey. You came back.**

I want to go to work.

 **Are you ready to talk to me?**

Possibly.

 **If I'm correct, it's been about seven months since you had your miscarriage. That would make your due date around this time, right?**

...Today. I was due today.

 **How are you handling that?**

Well I'm upset, obviously. I could've had a baby by now... _Derek's baby_. We should be married with a child and instead I'm home alone most days and my closest friend is Rachel Ray.

 **So what are you going to do about it?**

Well, I'm getting married in a month.

 **Congratulations.**

Thanks.

 **Do you think that will help you?**

I think at this point I just need stability. I need a job to go to every day and husband to come home to every night.

 **So you think the wedding will be a turning point for you... psychologically?**

Yeah. I guess I do.

 **Anything else?**

I can't stop thinking it's my fault.

 **What is?**

Everything. I blame myself for losing the baby. If I hadn't cheated on Finn he wouldn't have tried to murder me.

 **Do you still think about Finn?**

Sometimes.

 **Are you still having nightmares?**

(no answer)

 **Are you afraid of him coming back?**

Who wouldn't be?

XxXxX

 _Meredith Grey- Session 14 Transcript- March 15, 2007_

 **Dr. Grey. Don't you have a wedding to get to?**

I do. I just wanted to stop in and say thank you.

 **For what?**

For clearing me.

 **I haven't cleared you.**

Just in advance.

 **Uh-huh.**

Okay.

 **Your dress is beautiful.**

You think so?

 **Do you?**

I don't know. I never imagined myself as a white-dress kind of bride. But it was Derek's mothers and his grandmothers before that so I thought it would be like my initiation into the family.

 **I'm sure you've been part of the family for a while now.**

Not really. All of the sisters kind of see me as the slutty intern who broke up their brother's marriage and then ruined him for three months because I was sad.

 **Is that how you see yourself?**

I don't really know. I guess I do. It's kind of what I am.

 **How do you really feel about this wedding? Do you have any reservations?**

I'm kind of afraid that everyone will hate me... all of his sisters, I mean. I really want to be a part of Derek's family but if they hate me... I'm just nervous about the impression I make on them.

 **What can you do to make things right?**

I don't really know. I'm honestly terrified that I'm going to ruin Derek's family for him. I have this fear that if he marries me, his sisters will shun him and he'll blame me... divorce me before our honeymoon is even over and never speak to me again. I know it's crazy and he would never do that but it's still there at the back of my mind.

 **I think you're overthinking this.**

Absolutely.

 **I also think you're going to be late to your own wedding.**

 _Meredith._

George! Crap! Sorry! How much did you hear?

 _Doesn't matter. We need to go._

Okay. Right. Thank you. I'll see you next week.

 **Don't bother! You're cleared!**

Seriously?

 **Enjoy your honeymoon!**

XxXxX

Derek stood in the center of the large chapel, an uncontrollable smile on his face. His eyes along with everyone else's were trained on the doors to the room, waiting for the moment they would open.

Cristina, Izzie, and Callie stood across from him, smiles on their faces as well. Meredith had chosen not to have any of his sisters as bridesmaids to avoid any hurt feelings about maid of honor and more likely to avoid the four of them in general. O'Malley had told him that he had heard her stressing out about them during her therapy session and he was slightly worried about her psychological status.

All of his worries faded away when he saw her walking through the doors.

She had finally worked up the courage to ask Richard to walk her down the aisle weeks after they decided on a date for the wedding and he had hastily accepted. Meredith seemed relieved she didn't have to walk alone.

Derek was stunned. He had seen Meredith and he had seen her dress but he had never seen them together. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her smile lit up the room when their eyes met and he had to fight to keep his knees from wobbling.

Richard stopped at the end of the aisle and kissed Meredith's cheek, grudgingly letting go of her arm with tears in his eyes.

After what felt like the longest 20 minutes of his life, the priest got to the important part. "Do you, Derek Shepherd, take Meredith to be your wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'till death do you part?" He asked.

"I do." Derek said through his tearful smile. Meredith had the same expression on her face as he slid the wedding ring into her finger with shaking hands. The priest repeated the question to Meredith.

"I do." She smiled and placed his ring on his finger.

"By the power vested in me by the state of Washington, I now pronounce you Husband and Wife." Not one face in the Church was without a smile. "You May kiss the bride." The priest finally spoke the five words Derek wanted to hear most and he stepped forward, placing one of his hands in Meredith's hair and the other on her hip. She clasped her hands behind his neck and kissed him to loud cheers from the crowd. He lifted her up and spun in a circle, barely hearing the loud whoops from their friends and family until finally, they broke apart, panting softly.

Everyone cleared out of the room slowly for the reception but Meredith and Derek stayed put, their arms still wrapped around each other. Soon they were the only ones left in the large chapel. Derek kissed her again.

"Mr. Shepherd." She said, offering him her hand to lead him into the reception room.

"Mrs. Shepherd." He replied, taking her hand and walking with her to the celebration of their eternal partnership.

XxXxX

They took their honeymoon to a beautiful white sanded beach in the Bahamas, though it didn't really matter where they were because they rarely left their bed the entire two weeks. Every morning Derek would wake up and make them both breakfast for them to eat in bed and they would spend the rest of the day watching TV and consummating their marriage at any point possible.

Meredith sighed softly as her favorite couple finally confessed their love for each other on one of many of the dramatic TV shows they were in the process of watching. Derek looked over at her and smirked.

"You're really excited about them? I think if it took him that long to confess he loved her that they're not right for each other." He said. His wife took the bait.

"You took a while to tell me you loved me." She argued. He smirked and rolled over so that he was hovering above her.

"But can your TV characters do this?" He kissed her gently.

"Um... yeah." She giggled.

"What about this?" He suddenly stuck his tongue into her mouth and smiled at the quiet gasp she let out. He finally let her go for air.

"Possibly..." She panted.

"Oh... and this?" His teeth found her collarbone and he tasted her skin, smelling the decadent scent of her hair inches away.

"Y-yes." She grunted, feeling herself filling with anticipation and excitement.

"Well I can think of plenty of things your TV characters would _never_ do." He whispered gruffly in her ear.

"Oh really?" She asked.

"Oh, yes."

XxXxX

 ** _Six Months Later_**

Derek ran his hand slowly from his wife's thigh all the way up to her shoulder, feeling the way her body curved perfectly. He nuzzled his nose into the back of her neck and breathed deeply, a small smile on his face from the scent of her lavender conditioner.

"I used the memory of my dead mother to scrub in on a surgery today with the Chief." She admitted suddenly.

"Oh." He said, not sure if it was good or bad.

"You know what's weird?" She asked.

"What's weird?" He responded, his hand dropping down to squeeze her arm.

"It's exactly what she would've wanted." Meredith replied.

"Dead mommy's proud?" He whispered into her hair.

"Dead mommy's proud." She confirmed.

They were both silent for a few seconds. Derek breathed in her scent and felt her breathing beside him, closing his eyes as their rhythms slowly combined.

"How was your surgery? The aneurysm kid?" She asked to fill the silence.

"She made it through but... it wasn't great. I was distracted." He said vaguely. She could hear from his voice that he was upset and turned over to look at him, each of them placing a hand in the other's hair. He rubbed his nose against hers gently.

"By what?" She asked.

"Nothing. I don't know." He said, not wanting to hurt her feelings by telling her that he was distracted by her. It had been six months since they had been married and they were coming up on a year since he had gotten her back and Finn still hadn't been caught. He didn't know why he had been so distracted by it during his surgery but he couldn't stop thinking about her in the OR next door.

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad is it?" She asked. This was a question they asked each other almost on a daily basis when Meredith was still going to therapy. Normally he would ask her but sometimes she would turn the tables on him to make sure he was okay.

"Nine." He whispered and his eyes showed he was telling the truth. She leaned forward and kissed him, her fingers tickling his scalp.

"Can I make you feel better?" She whispered.

"You can always make me feel better." He responded, pulling her on top of him. They both pushed each other's hair back simultaneously and kissed again before Meredith sat up, straddling his stomach. She stared at him for a few seconds and he could tell she was trying to find the courage to say something.

"What?" He asked, his hands resting on her hips. Her eyes met his.

"Let's make a baby." She whispered.

"What?" He repeated, his mouth open and his eyebrows raised.

"Let's do it. I want more. Of us. Of you. I want a baby." She said.

"A-are you sure? I don't want to force you-" He started, but she cut him off.

"I'm sure. I want this." She said, leaning down and kissing him. He pushed her hair behind her ear and smiled at her. Realization crossed his face and he frowned worriedly.

"Meredith... the surgery..." He warned.

"I don't care about the surgery. Screw the surgery. Screw the odds. Let's make a baby." She argued.

"God, I love you." He sighed.

XxXxX

For two months, they had sex at any opportunity they had. Meredith didn't know how much money she would have spent on pregnancy tests if she hadn't stolen them from the clinic. She felt like it might reach triple digits.

They had found some pretty interesting places to get a quickie in. Of course, the classic on-call room, linen closets, bathrooms, locker room, conference room, and at one point, an elevator... which was embarrassing to explain when the elevator stopped because of its seismic activity detection and they had been caught literally with their pants down.

They decided that they needed to take a break when Meredith thought she might be coming down with something. Despite her constant assurances that "It's probably just allergies", Derek stayed home to take care of her.

Meredith woke up on her third day off from work and rolled over, groaning softly at the killer headache and nausea that had been waiting for her the moment she left the comforts of her dreams. She reached to Derek's side of the bed and felt that it was empty and her eyes finally opened, knowing she wouldn't be able to sleep without him.

The door was open and she smelled something delicious coming from the kitchen accompanied by the satisfying sound of grease sizzling in a pan. The thought of eating made her even more nauseous, though, and she almost had to make a run for the bathroom to throw up but she held it down.

"Derek?" She called weakly a few seconds later, after the nausea had passed. The sound of sizzling stopped and Derek entered the room a minute later, armed with two plates of decadent breakfast.

"Good morning, my love. Feeling any better?" He asked. She held her hand over her mouth to stop from vomiting and shook her head. The breakfast looked so good but her stomach refused to allow her to want it.

"That looks so good." She whined. He set one of the plates down on the bed next to her and climbed under the covers with the other one on his lap. "I don't think I could keep it down." She sighed, her hand resting on her churning stomach.

"Just try. You need the nutrients." He sighed, placing his hand on top of hers. She nodded and lifted the plate onto her lap, scooping a bite of scrambled eggs with her fork.

She got the first few bites down just fine until she went for the French toast. As soon as it was within a few inches of her face, she got a look in her eye, one that Derek knew meant bad news. He grabbed both of their plates and set them on the nightstand, helping her up and into the bathroom. She kneeled in front of the toilet and he held her hair, resting his forehead on her back.

When she finally stopped throwing up, he lifted her up, knowing she was too weak to walk herself, and carried her into the shower.

"What are you doing?" She asked. He turned the water on at the temperature he knew was her favorite.

"We need to go to the hospital." He said. She shook her head.

"No! It's just the flu or allergies or something. I'm fine." She argued.

"I don't want to take the risk if you're not. I won't take that risk. We're going to the hospital." He insisted. She sighed but didn't argue anymore. "So unless you want both of us to walk into the hospital smelling like vomit, we're going to shower." He finalized, earning a slight nod from his wife.

He gently lifted her shirt over her head and then did the same himself. She leaned against him as he helped her remove her pants and then his. He struggled for a moment with the clasp on her bra but eventually they were both liberated from their clothes and they stepped into the shower.

For a few moments he just let the water run over them, standing behind her with his arms wrapped around her stomach and his chin resting on her shoulder. Then he washed her hair for her and almost fainted when the scent of lavender completely surrounded him.

"I admire your self-control." Meredith whispered, reaching backwards and holding his upper thigh.

"My self control?" He repeated gruffly, rubbing his cheek against hers.

"You haven't slammed me against the wall and demanded dirty sex yet." She giggled. He smiled and brushed his lips across her neck.

"There's still time for that." He whispered just loud enough to be heard above the roar of the shower water hitting the wall.

"We should get to the hospital." She said suddenly.

"Why? I could just keep you here with me forever." He murmured, not hearing the slight urgency in her voice.

"Derek..." She whined. He finally looked at her. She looked pale and her face was scrunched up in pain.

"Are you okay? Do you need to throw up again?" He asked, transitioning into worried-husband mode.

"No... it just hurts..." she groaned. He turned the shower off and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around her tightly. He noticed she was trembling.

"What hurts?" He said, looking her up and down to see if she was bleeding.

"Ow! Derek!" She yelped, her arm wrapping around her stomach. He lifted her up and ran into the bedroom, setting her down gently on the bed. He grabbed one of his shirts from the dresser and pulled it over her head, satisfied that it covered her up decently. He did the same for himself and pulled some sweatpants over his still dripping legs and then hurried out the door with her in his arms.

He drove as fast as he could to the hospital, resisting the urge to press his foot down all the way on the pedal every time she convulsed in pain. She passed out after a few minutes and he increased his speed, pulling directly into the ER bay at Seattle Grace.

"Excuse me! This is for ambulances only! You can't park here!" Bailey yelled, running out of the ER. Derek ignored her and jumped out of the car, not noticing the look of shock the washed across her face.

"It's Meredith. She's been throwing up and had headaches for three days and she just started having abdominal pain. She passed out on the way." He said breathlessly, throwing open the car door and grabbing his wife out of the passenger's seat. Bailey was frozen for a moment before sprinting into action, yelling for a nurse and helping Derek set Meredith down in a bed.

"How long has she been out?" She asked.

"About five minutes." He responded. Bailey started an IV and drew some blood, sending it off with an intern to be tested.

"You said she was having abdominal pain?" She asked.

"Yes. We were in the shower and she just collapsed all of the sudden. She was pale and trembling and she was holding her stomach or her side. I couldn't see exactly and she couldn't tell me." He said. Bailey nodded, holding back her sarcastic remark about not needing to know about the shower part.

"Any blood in her vomit or urine?" She asked just to be sure.

"You think we're idiots?" He snapped. She nodded and put some gloves on.

"Abdominal pain could be gallstones or appendicitis and if there's no blood in the urine I would say appendicitis... but that doesn't explain the vomiting or the headaches." She thought out loud. Derek grabbed Meredith's hand with one of his and stroked her cheek with the other, his eyebrows furrowed with worry.

"She's waking up." He said softly when Meredith's eyelids started to flutter. Bailey looked up at her intern's face and waited for her eyes to open. "Meredith. Meredith, it's me, it's Derek, can you open your eyes for me?" Derek asked in a voice so gentle Bailey did a double take to see if it was really him.

Meredith's eyes slowly opened and her face contorted with pain. She looked over at Bailey confusedly.

"You're in the ER. I need to do a quick exam. Can you tell me where it hurts?" She asked, getting right to the point. Meredith blinked for a few seconds and then opened her mouth.

"App... Appendix." She croaked. Bailey nodded and started to palpate Meredith's abdomen, stopping when she reached the right lower quadrant. She pushed gently on it and the intern groaned, almost sitting up in the bed.

"Looks like an appendectomy to me. I'll wait for the blood work to be sure it's not something else. In the meantime, let's get some morphine." Bailey suggested. Meredith didn't argue.

"I apologize in advance for anything stupid I do while I'm high. I say dumb things when I get high." She said to Derek.

"You've been high before?" He asked.

"You haven't?" She giggled. He sighed and smiled, resting his forehead against hers.

"You are a naughty girl." He whispered. Bailey shivered and finished setting up the morphine drip.

"Oh, yes! Blood results are back. We can stop the PDA." She exclaimed. Derek stood up straight but kept his hands where they were, stroking Meredith's cheek comfortingly.

Bailey stared at the blood results for a few seconds. They both watched her eyes scanning over the words multiple times. She started muttering to herself but they couldn't hear what she was saying.

"Dr. Bailey?" Derek asked. She looked up at him.

"Well, um, your white count is up, which is consistent with appendicitis." She said slowly.

"So why do you look so shocked? Is something wrong?" Derek asked, his grip on his wife's hand tightening subconsciously.

"Your hCG is raised." Bailey said. Derek blinked for a moment.

"She's pregnant?" He asked.

"I'm pregnant?" Meredith asked a second later.

"Apparently." Bailey shrugged, unable to keep the smile off of her face. Derek leaned down and kissed Meredith, both of their faces covered by smiles.

"Oh no, I only thought it was done. Silly me." Bailey muttered to herself, hiding her face with her hands. "You still need surgery." She said loudly. Derek finally let Meredith go and they both looked at Bailey.

"You'll monitor the baby, though, right? Will the morphine hurt it?" Meredith asked. Bailey sighed.

"We will monitor your baby in the OR. The morphine shouldn't affect the fetus this early in your pregnancy. We will keep a close eye on you just in case. I have an OR scheduled in an hour. I'm going to go get you admitted." She said. Meredith nodded and looked at Derek.

"Lucky you." She snickered.

"Lucky me?" He asked, leaning down and kissing her forehead.

"You get to spend a whole hour with me on morphine." She said, waving her finger aimlessly. He smiled and used his thumb to stroke her hair.

"Or you could take a nap." He suggested.

"In the ER? What if something interesting comes in? I haven't seen blood in three days!" She cried. He chuckled and pulled up a chair next to her bed, preparing for a long hour of rambling and finger-waving.

"I think I need a nap." He murmured, laying his head down on the side of the bed. She ran her fingers through his thick curls.

"But who am I going to talk to?" She said, louder than necessary. He groaned softly.

"You can't talk when you're asleep." He stated. Meredith sighed dejectedly.

"Fine. But stay awake until Bailey finishes admitting me." She said. He nodded groggily.

"You really are a handful, you know?" He joked.

"But you love me." She waved her finger again and he chuckled.

"I do love you." He admitted. She scrunched up her nose and giggled.

The doors to the ER opened and Cristina ran in next to gurney with a patient that had something large impaling him. Meredith thought it looked like a blade from a fan.

"Wha-?!" She gasped, her mouth wide open in shock and her arms gesticulating wildly at the gurney. Cristina looked up at her.

"Meredith?! What are you doing here?" She looked at Derek.

"My appendix hates me and I'm pregnant." Meredith said before Derek could speak.

"You're pregnant?!" Cristina cried.

"FINALLY!" Meredith yelled as her person disappeared into a trauma room. She looked over at Derek. "He was impaled." She cried with wide eyes, pointing to the closed door of the trauma room. He smiled and nodded, praying that Bailey would find them somewhere to sleep soon.

XxXxX

 **Oh it's finally done! I've been writing this chapter for over a week! I'm so glad I can finally post it and get to work on the next one.**

 **Everything is not as it seems...**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


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